I was asked to answer question in an online forum and I\ncould not resist making it a column.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Is wanting to be in a monogamous relationship not only unrealistic but a sign of low self-esteem and fear of abandonment or is wanting and striving for these things completely healthy even if difficult?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Good Lord n\u2019 Butter, no!<\/p>\n\n\n\n A) Most of our social structures support monogamy. It\u2019s not\nunrealistic at all to want a monogamous relationship. It\u2019s only been fairly\nrecently that polyamory looks even vaguely realistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n B) Anyone who tries to sell the \u201cPolyamory is more\nemotionally developed and monogamous people are only that way because they\u2019re\ninsecure\u201d line is selling you a load that cannot even be dignified with the\nsynonym of crap. (Hey, at least bullshit make good fertilizer!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n The reality is that plenty of secure people are happiest in monogamous relationships. Fear of abandonment or betrayal has nothing to do with relationship form, really. I am dubious, for instance, that cheating partners would be better, more open and more honest, as well as better about keeping agreements if they were polyamorous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t think monogamy is a cure for insecurity, or even a\ngood palliative, though. In fact, I\u2019d say that the best thing to do is do one\u2019s\nbest to learn how to treat oneself well, and how to be secure, THEN decide how\none wants to order one\u2019s relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I also recognize that\u2019s unlikely to happen in that order.\nThe drive to form relationships and have sex is often quite strong long before\nemotional maturity happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know what the solution is. But for pity\u2019s sake,\ndon\u2019t let anyone tell you that polyamory is more evolved or anything. People\nwho are successful in relationships have the same traits, no matter the form.\nThey communicate well, have good boundaries, are kind to their partners and are\nhonest with them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I was asked to answer question in an online forum and I could not resist making it a column. Is wanting monogamy a sign of insecurity or weakness? Is wanting to be in a monogamous relationship not only unrealistic but a sign of low self-esteem and fear of abandonment or is wanting and striving for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1085","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rant","category-the-polyamory-community"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1085"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1086,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085\/revisions\/1086"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Being polyamorous does not mean you are evolved<\/h2>\n\n\n\n