{"id":1102,"date":"2019-07-16T09:00:52","date_gmt":"2019-07-16T09:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/?p=1102"},"modified":"2020-01-21T14:18:49","modified_gmt":"2020-01-21T14:18:49","slug":"its-not-up-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2019\/07\/16\/its-not-up-to-you\/","title":{"rendered":"It&#8217;s Not Up to You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Hello, my husband and I have been with our partner only about three months she\u2019s 21 and lives with family. Her family is now making her choose whether or not to be with us or them. We love her and want her to be with us, but I don\u2019t feel right asking her to choose us over her family. I keep having the thought of should we let her go and live a &#8220;normal&#8221; life one where she can have her family get married and have a family.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Let her go?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What, are you keeping her chained up or something?\u00a0 This one is a non-problem.\u00a0 Well, at least for you.\u00a0 If you and your husband want to be with her, then you have your side settled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The possible problem comes in when it comes to what your\npartner wants.&nbsp; If your partner wants to continue to live with her family, yeah, dumping y\u2019all might be a condition of that.&nbsp; That\u2019s\nnot your choice.&nbsp; Up to her. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you don\u2019t want to\nbe involved with her, then you don\u2019t have\nto, no matter what she decides with her family, because whether or not <em>you<\/em> are involved with someone isn\u2019t up to anyone but you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>________________________<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve been around the\npoly lighthouse a few times, and I\nrecognize one can infer a <strong>lot<\/strong> of subtext in this particular letter.&nbsp; I\u2019m not\ngoing there.&nbsp; The reason I am not going\nthere is that we tend to overcomplicate things and ignore the real issue.&nbsp; Learning to distill your decisions down to\nthe actual issue rather than confusing it with peripheral concerns is one of\nthe best skills you can develop towards personal happiness.&nbsp; I highly recommend it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hello, my husband and I have been with our partner only about three months she\u2019s 21 and lives with family. Her family is now making her choose whether or not to be with us or them. We love her and want her to be with us, but I don\u2019t feel right asking her to choose&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-misanthrope","category-boundaries"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1102","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1102"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1102\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1184,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1102\/revisions\/1184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1102"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1102"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1102"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}