{"id":174,"date":"2008-09-29T00:00:31","date_gmt":"2008-09-29T04:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=174"},"modified":"2008-09-29T00:00:31","modified_gmt":"2008-09-29T04:00:31","slug":"ask-the-misanthrope-telling-the-truth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2008\/09\/29\/ask-the-misanthrope-telling-the-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask the Misanthrope: Telling the Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"

My wife and I have been looking for a long time to find a person or couple we could date.\u00a0 Not too long ago, we did start going out with a couple.\u00a0 The problem is, while I like them, I don’t like them in *that* way.\u00a0 What do I do?\u00a0 My wife is really excited and I don’t want to disappoint her.\u00a0 Also, the couple are nice people.\u00a0 I’d really like being friends with them, but I’m just not interested otherwise?<\/em><\/p>\n

Yow, rough situation.<\/p>\n

First off, you’re gonna tell the truth, right?\u00a0 You don’t have to be mean about it, but you really do want to be honest here.\u00a0 You said you like<\/em> these people, so you can certainly say that.\u00a0 But explaining that you really aren’t interested romantically is the honest thing to do.<\/p>\n

But I’ll go even further.\u00a0 It’s ultimately the kindest thing to do as well.\u00a0 I know it doesn’t feel great to disappoint people you like or love.\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t blame you for finding it difficult or painful.\u00a0 Thing is, if you did get involved with these people when you weren’t into it, it’s only going to get worse.\u00a0 Imagine people getting attached and then finding that no, you were just humoring everyone all along.\u00a0 Talk about painful!<\/p>\n

One thing you might want to consider, in having this talk, is whether or not dating as a unit is really working out for you and your wife.\u00a0 Maybe it would work out that if she’s quite interested in the couple that she could date them.\u00a0 You don’t specify whether or not you have a “date as a unit” agreement or not but the way your letter reads sort of implies it.\u00a0 If it is, maybe renegotiation would be in order here.\u00a0 If I’m wrong, there’s no problem.\u00a0 She’s free to date ’em and you’re all good from being honest about how you were feeling.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, being straight about what you’re thinking or feeling will work out better for everyone.<\/p>\n

Good luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My wife and I have been looking for a long time to find a person or couple we could date.\u00a0 Not too long ago, we did start going out with a couple.\u00a0 The problem is, while I like them, I don’t like them in *that* way.\u00a0 What do I do?\u00a0 My wife is really excited…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/174\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}