{"id":184,"date":"2008-10-13T00:00:52","date_gmt":"2008-10-13T04:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=184"},"modified":"2008-10-13T00:00:52","modified_gmt":"2008-10-13T04:00:52","slug":"personal-ad-translation-service","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2008\/10\/13\/personal-ad-translation-service\/","title":{"rendered":"Personal Ad Translation Service"},"content":{"rendered":"

Personal ads tend to have their own code.\u00a0 You won’t realize exactly what the person is really expressing until you get involved with them.\u00a0 So here I am, in my infinite generosity, to explain a little about this and decode some of the more common phrases found in ads looking for relationships.<\/p>\n

I have a lot of love to share<\/strong> – I am a needy, selfish prick who needs an inordinate amount of reassurance about my wonderfulness.\u00a0 I will be soft, sweet and gentle until you do not meet my expectations.\u00a0 Then the fangs come out.<\/p>\n

I run my own online business, so can make my own hours and spend lots of time with you<\/strong> – I play a lot of WoW1<\/sup> while my partner makes enough money for my household.\u00a0 I will not be spending lots of time either with you or my business.<\/p>\n

I love to cuddle<\/strong> – If you like rare steak, Heavy Metal or good vodka, I’m probably not for you.<\/p>\n

I value discretion in a partner<\/strong> – I’m cheating.\u00a0 Prepare for drama.<\/p>\n

Looking for someone sweet<\/strong> – Don’t ever disagree with me.<\/p>\n

I am recovering from having my heart broken and am trying to learn to trust again<\/strong> – You will be the next Evil Ex.<\/p>\n

Looking for a bisexual woman to complete our marriage<\/strong> – We’re unicorn hunters.\u00a0 Hope you have a fetish for childcare, cleaning houses and pretending you don’t exist when our family comes to visit.<\/p>\n

I’m sensitive<\/strong> – I’m touchy and probably passive-aggressive.<\/p>\n

I’m a nice guy<\/strong> – I’m nice for certain values of “nice” and am offended by the articles at Heartless Bitches International<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I like strong women <\/em><\/strong>– <\/em>I have an Oedipal Complex the likes of which God has never seen.<\/p>\n

I’m working on a book<\/strong> – I want to look intellectual.\u00a0 Admire me.\u00a0 But don’t ask me about my production schedule.<\/p>\n

I like sensitive men<\/strong> – I want someone I can bully into obeying me.<\/p>\n

My wife has stopped sleeping with me<\/strong> – I’ve stopped bathing, brushing my teeth or spending any time on foreplay.<\/p>\n

Masterful, looking for a submissive<\/strong> – You can probably have me curled up in the corner sucking my thumb in less than ten minutes.<\/p>\n

Looking for my soulmate<\/strong> – I will realize it wasn’t True Love when something better comes along -even if I’m poly.<\/p>\n

I love classical music<\/strong> –\u00a0 I think that the use of F\u00fcr Elise in Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown was kinda cool and will give you a blank stare if you ask me what I think of Baroque.<\/p>\n

I like Sci-Fi2<\/sup><\/strong> – I watch a lot of movies and pay a lot for my TV.<\/p>\n

I’m into SCA\/Renfaires\/Historical Re-enactments<\/strong> – Do not ever<\/strong> go to a period film with me.\u00a0 The costuming choices are capable of ruining my evening.<\/p>\n

I’m into Tantra and am looking for a heart connection<\/strong> – I won’t admit I like to fuck and want to wrap it up into spiritual bows to make me look advanced.<\/p>\n

I’m a Wiccan<\/strong> – I think Marion Zimmer Bradly wrote history rather than fiction.\u00a0 My other critical thinking skills reflect this.<\/p>\n

I’m a martial artist<\/strong> – I am worse than William Shatner’s most appalling Trekkie nightmare when it comes to discussing esoteria.\u00a0 Run.<\/p>\n

I think the Polyamorous Misanthrope is way too judgmental<\/strong> – I’m pretty perceptive.<\/p>\n

\n

1<\/sup>Yes, yes, I know that there really are self-employed people who make a real, live living at it. They’re in the minority, and they’re often more time-crunched than people with “real” jobs.<\/p>\n

2<\/sup>Actual fans tend to abbreviate it to SF, and will usually name specific fandoms. There are a lot of them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Personal ads tend to have their own code.\u00a0 You won’t realize exactly what the person is really expressing until you get involved with them.\u00a0 So here I am, in my infinite generosity, to explain a little about this and decode some of the more common phrases found in ads looking for relationships. I have a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rant"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=184"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/184\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}