{"id":194,"date":"2008-11-17T00:00:22","date_gmt":"2008-11-17T04:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=194"},"modified":"2008-11-17T00:00:22","modified_gmt":"2008-11-17T04:00:22","slug":"comparing-maybe-it-doesnt-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2008\/11\/17\/comparing-maybe-it-doesnt-help\/","title":{"rendered":"Comparing? Maybe It Doesn’t Help"},"content":{"rendered":"

That was the best sex\/meal\/evening I ever had!<\/em><\/p>\n

Ever said anything like that?\u00a0 Ever said anything like that to a lover what wasn’t included in on said activity?\u00a0 What kind of reaction did you get?\u00a0 Maybe none.\u00a0 Maybe one that wasn’t so nice.\u00a0 For any human being that ever has the slightest bit of insecurity (and to be honest, I’m hard put to think of someone who has none at all), sometimes there is a little “Am I really good enough?” going on in the back of their minds.<\/p>\n

People like to feel special and unique.\u00a0 Fortunately, they are, <\/em>which is really cool.\u00a0 But it means that comparisons can be pretty insensitive and unproductive, possibly even a little untruthful. It’s best to avoid them.\u00a0 While I wouldn’t encourage untruthfulness, it might do you good in your relationships to decide if comparison really is going to be the most loving thing to do.<\/p>\n

This isn’t to say you need to pretend you didn’t have a great meal or a really good time, either.\u00a0 Truthfulness is good.\u00a0 You can say, “I had a wonderful evening,” and be truthful without making an implied negative comparison about someone that, in theory, you love.<\/p>\n

Part of the fun of poly, I think, is that you can appreciate a partner for exactly the person they are<\/em> without feeling the need to compare or worry about the whole, “trading up” thing.\u00a0 People are unique.\u00a0 Each and every relationship is unique because relationships are made up of those unique people.\u00a0 Celebrate that.\u00a0 It really is part of the fun of being poly.<\/p>\n

I’ve had lovers that were extraordinarily well-hung and liked the whole pounding you to the mattress thing, I’ve had lovers that were super hot to look at, lovers that were fantastic at cunnilingus, lovers who were amazingly sensitive about catching cues, lovers who were into some really delightfully kinky stuff, lovers whose idea of a good time was junk food and movie, lovers whose idea of a good time was a political debate, lovers who wanted to go out and party until you dropped, lovers who enjoyed a combination of all that…<\/p>\n

Each person is a unique human being, and enjoying that time for exactly what it is without making the comparisons is probably the loving way to go.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

That was the best sex\/meal\/evening I ever had! Ever said anything like that?\u00a0 Ever said anything like that to a lover what wasn’t included in on said activity?\u00a0 What kind of reaction did you get?\u00a0 Maybe none.\u00a0 Maybe one that wasn’t so nice.\u00a0 For any human being that ever has the slightest bit of insecurity…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=194"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/194\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=194"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=194"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=194"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}