{"id":20,"date":"2004-07-31T12:51:56","date_gmt":"2004-07-31T17:51:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=20"},"modified":"2004-07-31T12:51:56","modified_gmt":"2004-07-31T17:51:56","slug":"poly-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2004\/07\/31\/poly-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Poly Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"

Originally published at<\/em><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.polyfamilies.com\/misanthrope20040731.html<\/em><\/p>\n

It is often asserted in the poly community that the poly household is the ideal \t\t\t\t\thousehold in which to rear a child. I rather dislike the assertion. It is my \t\t\t\t\tstrong opinion that the ideal child-rearing situation has less to do with the \t\t\t\t\tform of the family and considerably more to do with the character of the \t\t\t\t\tindividuals \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tin \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t the family. \t\t\t\t\tPoly households actually have a few strikes against them. The first is the \t\t\t\t\tfact that relationships take time and maintenance – this includes the \t\t\t\t\trelationships you have with your children. When you are dealing with multiple \t\t\t\t\tromantic relationships, especially when you are not in a closed group and might \t\t\t\t\tbe \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tadding \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t people to your romantic circle, you are facing an enormous amount of emotional \t\t\t\t\tenergy. Keep this in mind as a parent. It is all too easy to get sucked into \t\t\t\t\tthe high levels of emotion one gets in many romantic relationships. Make sure \t\t\t\t\tyou are working on the relationship with your child, too. A psychologist who \t\t\t\t\tappeared as part of a polyamorous show on the John Walsh show once expressed \t\t\t\t\tconcern about the formation of a poly family and the amount of adult processing \t\t\t\t\tthat would go on.<\/p>\n

Know what?<\/p>\n

She was right. There is a \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tlot \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t of processing that goes on in a poly family.<\/p>\n

Know what else?<\/p>\n

That’s okay.<\/p>\n

The second strike against poly households is the hard fact that it is the very \t\t\t\t\trare poly family that will stay together long enough to rear a child. While \t\t\t\t\tmany people will argue that relationship longevity is not the sole measure of \t\t\t\t\trelationship success (and I agree), the simple truth is that it takes 18-20 \t\t\t\t\tyears to rear a child. Can you name a poly family that has lasted that long. \t\t\t\t\tSure, some exist, but they’re the rarity. Say what you like, but divorce and \t\t\t\t\tthe stress that leads up to people wanting to break up in the first place is \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\thard \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t on kids. If you’re forming a poly family, you owe it to everyone, including \t\t\t\t\tyourself, to keep your relationships in the best order you can.<\/p>\n

The last strike is out of individual control in a lot of ways. Poly marriages, \t\t\t\t\tespecially if you’re a parent, are not accepted very well by the Powers That \t\t\t\t\tBe. Since this is so, there’s an added pressure as a parent to Do Things Right.<\/p>\n

With all this being the case, what are the real<\/em> advantages of rearing a child in a poly household?<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\tIf the household is child-centered \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t\t you will actually have more freedom for personal development. You see, \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\tif \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t\t you’re careful about committing a good amount of time to the kids \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\tand your spice do the same \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t\t, the kids really \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\tdo \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t\t get more attention than they would with a monogamous couple and still leave \t\t\t\t\t\tthe adults with more freedom<\/li>\n
  2. \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t Variety. When all the parents are committed, there is a lot of discussion \t\t\t\t\t\tgoing on about the \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\tjob \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t\t of being a parent. That being so, the different points of view contribute to \t\t\t\t\t\ta more carefully considered parenting strategy, as well as a higher quality of \t\t\t\t\t\tcare. Please notice the commitment caveat. If there’s the idea that the child \t\t\t\t\t\tis someone else in the household’s problem, this \t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\twon’t work \t\t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t\t.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    What it boils down to in \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tany \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t parenting situation is so simple – commitment. Are you \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tcommitted \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t to the welfare of the children. Do you focus on being as wise as you can \t\t\t\t\tmanage (no-one is perfect, of course!) in dealing with these developing people? \t\t\t\t\t If you’re doing this, the family form doesn’t matter so much. It’s all about \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tyou \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t and your individual interaction with your kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Originally published at http:\/\/www.polyfamilies.com\/misanthrope20040731.html It is often asserted in the poly community that the poly household is the ideal household in which to rear a child. I rather dislike the assertion. It is my strong opinion that the ideal child-rearing situation has less to do with the form of the family and considerably more to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}