{"id":21,"date":"2004-08-14T12:56:12","date_gmt":"2004-08-14T17:56:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=21"},"modified":"2004-08-14T12:56:12","modified_gmt":"2004-08-14T17:56:12","slug":"its-the-little-things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2004\/08\/14\/its-the-little-things\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s the Little Things"},"content":{"rendered":"

Originally published at<\/em><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.polyfamilies.com\/misanthrope20040814.html<\/em><\/p>\n

If you’re poly, one of the things you sometimes deal with is doing what you can \t\t\t\t\tto help people feel comfortable in multiple relationships. Sometimes, one \t\t\t\t\tperson or another feels insecure… It happens, and doesn’t have to be a huge \t\t\t\t\thairy deal.<\/p>\n

One of the things that can help is the “little things”. These are the, “I’m \t\t\t\t\tthinking about you and care about you” gestures.<\/p>\n

What brings it to mind is my own life. I have a boyfriend who… Well, the man \t\t\t\t\tis an extrovert the likes of which God has never seen. He’s got a lot of \t\t\t\t\tpeople in his life, and I don’t just mean sexual relationships, but many, many \t\t\t\t\tfriendships and responsibilities that take his time and energy. I am quite \t\t\t\t\tintroverted, so am the opposite, for the most part, and I tend to channel my \t\t\t\t\tinterests and relationships into fewer areas\/people than he does. It could \t\t\t\t\tcause a woman to wonder, “How much do I really mean to him?”<\/p>\n

Except for the little things.<\/p>\n

We work near each other. This morning, as I was making coffee (hey, Superman \t\t\t\t\twas a mild-mannered reporter. I can be a mild-mannered secretary, right?), he \t\t\t\t\tshows up in my office to give me a hug and a kiss. A totally simple gesture – \t\t\t\t\the didn’t spend more than three minutes at my office. But, it meant a great \t\t\t\t\tdeal.<\/p>\n

We do things like this in our relationships all the time. The thing is to make \t\t\t\t\tsure that it’s an individual thing. These “little things” vary from person to \t\t\t\t\tperson. I like having doors opened for me, and chairs held for me and all the \t\t\t\t\tcourtly little things. There are people that do not. I have a love that \t\t\t\t\treally enjoys it when I curl on up a cushion at his feet and rest my head on \t\t\t\t\this knee when he’s sitting in a chair. I have another love who would find that \t\t\t\t\tgesture uncomfortable. It’s a matter of really getting to \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tknow \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t your loves and what makes them feel loved.<\/p>\n

So, why do these little gestures mean so much?<\/p>\n

They prove you’re doing something very important – \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\tpaying attention \t\t\t\t\t<\/em> \t\t\t\t\t to the person you love. It means that you’ve taken the time to learn what \t\t\t\t\tlittle things mean something and that you’ve taken the time to do it.<\/p>\n

A book I highly recommend is 1001 Ways To Be Romantic, by Gregory Godek. Mr. Godek goes into detail about the individuality of making the little gestures and gives a lot of ideas. (It does seem to be a bit flowers and chocolate oriented, mind, but the part about paying attention to your love and what pleases your love is a good one).<\/p>\n

So what sorts of things make good “little gestures”? \t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t(These are a list of random things that friends and loves like. Remember what \t\t\t\t\t\tI said about this being pretty individual. Paying attention is tantamount). \t\t\t\t\t<\/em><\/p>\n