I was recently asked if I’d consent to an interview, but the questions were pretty good and basic, so I’m posting them here:<\/p>\n
1. What are common misconceptions you have found with polyamory?<\/strong><\/p>\n Probably the most common is that partners are disposable or interchangeable on some level.\u00a0 The culture that surrounds the monogamy paradigm also has a subtext of One True Love.\u00a0 We see it in movies, books and what have you all the time.\u00a0 In this context, if you’re going to have more than one partner, those partners aren’t quite as valuable<\/em>.<\/p>\n The thing is, people are unique individuals.\u00a0\u00a0 Your individual relationship with any human being is unique just by virtue of that fact.<\/p>\n Besides which, polyamory or not, seeing a human being as disposable or a commodity is just nasty<\/em>.<\/p>\n 2. What do you gain from this lifestyle?<\/strong>1<\/sup><\/p>\n I’m not poly because I necessarily hope to gain<\/em> anything.\u00a0 I’m poly because the logic I’m usually given behind reasons for sexual exclusivity don’t scan for me.\u00a0 I don’t have a religion, so the religious reasons don’t make sense, I don’t believe in One True Love, so that reason makes no sense.\u00a0 As far as sex itself?\u00a0 I believe that sex is moral or immoral by the same standards that any other act is.\u00a0 For the life of me, I cannot separate that particular activity off as being somehow “different” than any other human activity.\u00a0 In that context, sexual exclusivity makes no sense<\/em>.<\/p>\n I feel no particular responsibility to run out and have bunches of relationships to hold up the side, mind.\u00a0 Relationships take time and energy, and I like to have time to write, knit, swim and lift weights, too!<\/p>\n 3. Whats the main differences between swinging and polyamory?<\/strong><\/p>\n One activity gives a certain subset of the polyamory community an opportunity to feel smug and self-righteous!<\/p>\n Sorry, my snark-o-matic was left on last night.\u00a0 Seriously, the usual answer given is something along the lines of, “Swinging is about sex and poly is about relationships.”\u00a0 I don’t agree with that, entirely.\u00a0 It is my opinion that this debate is usually engaged in by people who feel guilty about having more than one sexual relationship and need some context where it’s okay somehow.\u00a0\u00a0 It reminds me of the girls in my high school who would sneer at other girls having sex, but were okay with doing it themselves because they were “Really in love.”<\/p>\n 4. Are there any other resources that you would recommend?<\/strong><\/p>\n My blogroll and recommended reading\u00a0 have most of what I’d say are good.\u00a0\u00a0 Believe it or not, the best books on relationships are usually about business<\/em> relationships.<\/p>\n