{"id":317,"date":"2009-08-17T00:00:02","date_gmt":"2009-08-17T04:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=317"},"modified":"2009-08-17T00:00:02","modified_gmt":"2009-08-17T04:00:02","slug":"respectful-communication-and-mind-reading","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2009\/08\/17\/respectful-communication-and-mind-reading\/","title":{"rendered":"Respectful Communication and Mind-Reading"},"content":{"rendered":"

Not too long ago, I was in the living room working idly on some material.\u00a0\u00a0 The Prince was in his room on a teleconference with a client.\u00a0 Our son was wandering through the house as he often does, waving a blue-painted wooden sword and speaking dialog that will be turned into his latest movie.<\/p>\n

He wandered into The Prince’s room already speaking to him.\u00a0 The Prince, who was otherwise engaged, said, “I’m on a teleconference right now.\u00a0 Could we talk later?”<\/p>\n

Muscle Boy apologized and The Prince said, “Don’t sweat it.\u00a0 You didn’t know.”<\/p>\n

So, how does this relate to poly?<\/p>\n

Well, it’s not <\/em>poly-specific, but it’s a great relationship tool.\u00a0 It’s a great example of good, respectful communication on both sides.\u00a0\u00a0 Muscle Boy often goes into his father’s room to speak to him, so the expectation that he could just start talking had already been set up.\u00a0 But, when he learned he was wrong, he apologized.\u00a0 Fortunately, he got an understanding response that made that apology an easy and natural thing to do.\u00a0 There are plenty of households where a the busy person would speak sharply,\u00a0 “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” or worse.\u00a0\u00a0 It’s easy to do in the heat of the moment, especially if we’re concentrating on something else involving business or money.<\/p>\n

But it’s also easy to do in the heat of the moment when our tender and vulnerable emotions are engaged.\u00a0 I think all of us have been irritated when someone close to us has not automagically known<\/em> to perform an action, avoid a subject, bring up a subject or whatever.\u00a0 We often want to be interacted with without exerting ourselves, or making ourselves vulnerable by asking for what we want or how we want to be treated.\u00a0 Worse, romantic literature praises the lover who instinctively knows what and how to give.\u00a0 Pick up any woman’s romance you can lay hands on, and you’ll not find one<\/em> with a partner who asks directly for anything.<\/p>\n

Looking at it, it’s a terrible way to treat someone you love.\u00a0\u00a0 People can’t read minds.1<\/sup> Sure, sometimes we get lucky and guess right. That’s cool and it’s fun to get a neat surprise from a love who does. I’m not running that down. But while delighting in the surprise, for goodness sake don’t punish it when someone gets it wrong.<\/p>\n

Here are some keys to good, respectful communication:<\/p>\n