{"id":35,"date":"2005-02-19T14:44:02","date_gmt":"2005-02-19T19:44:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=35"},"modified":"2005-02-19T14:44:02","modified_gmt":"2005-02-19T19:44:02","slug":"be-an-example","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2005\/02\/19\/be-an-example\/","title":{"rendered":"Be an Example"},"content":{"rendered":"

Originally published at <\/em><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.polyfamilies.com\/misanthrope20050219.html<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, no, I don\u2019t think it is a good idea if my children know I am poly!\u201d
\nMama Java, she read a line similar to this on her lunch break. Her office is outside a corridor that is mostly marble and concrete, so her exclamation of \u201cWhat the fuck<\/strong>?\u201d echoed quite clearly and entertainingly all through the third floor. Mama Java, she thinks she caused heart failure in some of her colleagues, because they had developed the idea in the last two years she has worked in her present job that she doesn\u2019t swear .<\/p>\n

Okay, enough of the goofy third person and into the meat of the article.<\/p>\n

Friends, I\u2019m not trying to assert that your children need the details of your sex life. I sure as hell don\u2019t know what my parents do in bed, and don\u2019t want to. For that matter, if I\u2019m not involved, I don\u2019t want the details of anyone\u2019s sex life and I\u2019m not giving out the details of mine<\/strong>!<\/p>\n

But!<\/strong><\/p>\n

My father once commented something to me when my son was born that I have taken strongly to heart, \u201cYour children won\u2019t listen to a word you say. They will pay close attention to what you do<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is quite true. So, what kind of example are you setting for the kids? If you\u2019re in doubt that setting the example of being<\/strong> poly is okay, you really, really need to rethink your stance on whether or not you have any business doing it yourself. This is not about whether or not it\u2019s okay for an adult to do something a kid shouldn\u2019t. I\u2019ll have a glass of wine in front of the kids, and they know that it\u2019s something a grownup in the US can do but a kid can\u2019t . They know I have a special vocabulary of \u201cgrown-up\u201d words I can use because I know when and were to use them. If I really thought cussing was wrong<\/strong>, or would freak if my kids ever developed the vocabulary, however, I\u2019d stop doing it. In fact, my parents did not cuss because they really did not want me to develop the vocabulary.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think it is okay, for instance, to kick small animals. I set the example by being kind to our cats. The kids will model this and they\u2019re gentle with pets. I think that reading a lot is a good thing. The kids see me with a nose in a book a lot, so they get the idea that this is something people do<\/strong>. I think that eating right and exercising is important. They see me do that.<\/p>\n

Not to say I set a perfect example. The kids know I am severely addicted to caffeine and that I\u2019ve been pretty unsuccessful in kicking the habit. I explain to them about addictive substances, they\u2019ve seen how I feel ill if I don\u2019t get the caffeine and we\u2019ve talked about this. Because of this example and what they see, they will ask before consuming a strange soda if it has caffeine in it and will avoid it if it does.<\/p>\n

Notice that I\u2019m not holding back in talking to them. I don\u2019t pretend to the children that I am perfect. I don\u2019t think it is useful to do so. I do<\/strong> discuss things and explain to them the consequences of my choices — as best I can in an age-appropriate manner, mind!<\/p>\n

So, if you\u2019re not sure it\u2019s okay for your kids to grow up to be poly, then maybe you ought to reconsider yourself. If you are<\/strong> okay with it, it\u2019s also okay to discuss, age appropriately always, the consequences of it. After all, there are consequences to all actions and it\u2019s okay, and even a good<\/strong> thing to make sure the kids understand this. (i.e. \u201cAlways tell the truth so that the people that you love will trust you.\u201d, \u201cIt\u2019s a good thing to speak up and tell people what you want, but it\u2019s a bad think to throw a screaming fit if someone says, \u2018No\u2019.\u201d)<\/p>\n

It all boils down to making sure that you set the example of the person you want your kids to be. No, they won\u2019t be a Mini-Me, nor should they. But, setting the example of thinking for yourself and choosing your own life will increase your children\u2019s chance at happiness when they are grown.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Originally published at http:\/\/www.polyfamilies.com\/misanthrope20050219.html \u201cWell, no, I don\u2019t think it is a good idea if my children know I am poly!\u201d Mama Java, she read a line similar to this on her lunch break. Her office is outside a corridor that is mostly marble and concrete, so her exclamation of \u201cWhat the fuck?\u201d echoed quite…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}