{"id":373,"date":"2010-01-25T00:00:33","date_gmt":"2010-01-25T04:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=373"},"modified":"2010-01-25T00:00:33","modified_gmt":"2010-01-25T04:00:33","slug":"poly-parenting-101","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2010\/01\/25\/poly-parenting-101\/","title":{"rendered":"Poly Parenting 101"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>One of the sad facts of being an alternative lifestyler of any sort is in this political climate, you\u2019re liable to be labeled a dangerous pervert.<\/p>\n<p>For the most part, it\u2019s not actually <em>illegal <\/em>to be a pervert or anything, as long as you never have interaction with kids.\u00a0 Well, if you\u2019re poly and a parent, good God <em>yes<\/em>, you\u2019re going to be interacting with children!\u00a0 Yours.<\/p>\n<p>Should this worry you?<\/p>\n<p>It depends on a lot of things.\u00a0 Where do you live?\u00a0 Is it a conservative area?\u00a0\u00a0 Do people have a live and let live policy, or are they all up in your bidness?\u00a0 What about your relatives?\u00a0 Are there control issues going on?\u00a0 Are you accepting significant financial support from them?<a href=\"#_ftn1\">[1]<\/a><\/p>\n<p>But more than that, I want to point out one more thing, which is the big subject of my rant.<\/p>\n<p>Are you a good parent?<\/p>\n<p>Seriously, dewd.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get on your damn high horse until you\u2019ve evaluated your parenting.\u00a0 If being poly is interfering with being a good parent<a href=\"#_ftn2\">[2]<\/a>, then you have a more serious problem than poly persecution.<\/p>\n<p>So to evaluate:<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Basics<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Are the children fed properly?<\/li>\n<li>Do they have clothing appropriate to the weather?<\/li>\n<li>Are they being educated appropriately? (sent to school regularly\/homeschooled so that they keep up with grade level)<\/li>\n<li>Are they getting medical attention as necessary?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Not Basic, But Important<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Do they get appropriate attention?\u00a0 This is a biggie. \u00a0When there is adult processing, sometimes kids\u2019 needs <em>can<\/em> fall through the cracks.\u00a0 Be very careful and wary of this one.\u00a0 I wish I could sugar-coat it, but I can\u2019t.<\/li>\n<li>Are they getting personal growth opportunities?\u00a0 Are they learning an instrument, learning fun skills, learning Life 101 skills?<\/li>\n<li>Are they getting an opportunity to be involved in the community they live in?\u00a0 Don\u2019t isolate your kids because their household might be different.\u00a0 They live in the real world and need to learn to relate to it.<a href=\"#_ftn3\">[3]<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I\u2019m not saying you have to be Superparent to justify being polyamorous.\u00a0 You don\u2019t.\u00a0 But, dammit, do your <em>job<\/em> as a parent anyway.\u00a0 Yes, it takes time.\u00a0 Yes, you\u2019re gonna screw up.\u00a0 That doesn\u2019t let you off the hook from consistently <em>trying<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>For those of you who have direct reason to worry about custody issues, I cannot recommend the following article highly enough. Even more, the organization, the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sfldef.org\/\">Sexual Freedom Legal Defense and Education Fund<\/a>.\u00a0 It\u2019s run by fantastic and caring woman, Valerie White.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.sfldef.org\/custody-tips.php\">Dos and Don\u2019ts to Avoid Custody Challenges.<\/a><\/p>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref1\">[1]<\/a>Financial support is not only money, but reduced rent, childcare and a number of other things.\u00a0 I\u2019ll reiterate something I say consistently:\u00a0 DO NOT ACCEPT FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE WHO DISAPPROVE OF YOUR LIFESTYLE.\u00a0 That way lies trouble.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref2\">[2]<\/a> And by God, it can.\u00a0 Don\u2019t try to wiggle out of being a good parent by claiming poly persecution or Mama Java will have to get all strict on your butt.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref3\">[3]<\/a> And maybe even change it for the better!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the sad facts of being an alternative lifestyler of any sort is in this political climate, you\u2019re liable to be labeled a dangerous pervert. For the most part, it\u2019s not actually illegal to be a pervert or anything, as long as you never have interaction with kids.\u00a0 Well, if you\u2019re poly and a&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,9,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-373","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","category-poly-legalities","category-polyamory-101"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/373","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=373"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/373\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}