A Faithful Reader Asks:<\/p>\n
My husband and I have been discussing polyamory over the past couple months. I feel comfortable with the idea, and I know we communicate very well with each other. I am actually concerned about how my reactions could possibly hurt his relationships. I know I have had jealousy issues in the past, which I think come from fears of abandonment or neglect. I believe I am past that point, and I trust the relationship with my husband, but nothing has happened that I think would have provoked that ‘jealous’ reaction. I don’t want my husband to find someone he can have a good relationship with, and end up having to break it off and potentially hurt another person’s feelings because I become upset or jealous. Is this a normal concern for people in polyamorous relationships?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Yes, it\u2019s quite a normal concern. How the two of you handle your relationships between you is definitely a matter you need to settle between yourselves. \u00a0I cannot discourage enough, however, from mapping “I feel jealous” to “you have to break it off with the other partner”.<\/p>\n
Yes, you need to be able to say if you\u2019re lonely, and trust that you\u2019ll be able to be listened to. \u00a0I’m not saying to suck it up or suffer in silence. \u00a0I’m saying bring things up to your partner. \u00a0The theory is that you guys love each other, right? \u00a0A very good thing to do in a poly relationship is for everyone on all sides to do their best to concentrate on that part. \u00a0It really helps nudge everyone into treating each other well.<\/p>\n
In my own relationships \u201cI feel jealous\u201d (and yes, of course it has happened) does not map to \u201cyou must break it off\u201d. It leads to discussion. Sometimes it\u2019s that I am feeling insecure. Sometimes it really is because a partner is ignoring our own relationship for the new and shiny. \u00a0 Sometimes it can be an indication of another relationship issue that’s serious. \u00a0It can be from many roots, some of them internal, and some not. \u00a0 It would be a bad idea to assume either way.<\/p>\n
But make no mistake. Polyamory is most certainly a risk. (Not that monogamy isn\u2019t, it\u2019s just that the risk is more obvious in a poly relationship). I encourage you to look into yourself and think about where you feel good and secure, where you don\u2019t and where you feel your strengths and joys lie.<\/p>\n
Good luck!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A Faithful Reader Asks: My husband and I have been discussing polyamory over the past couple months. I feel comfortable with the idea, and I know we communicate very well with each other. I am actually concerned about how my reactions could possibly hurt his relationships. I know I have had jealousy issues in the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,10,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-misanthrope","category-polyamory-101","category-relationships"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=394"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=394"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=394"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=394"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}