{"id":409,"date":"2010-06-14T08:00:13","date_gmt":"2010-06-14T12:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=409"},"modified":"2010-06-14T08:00:13","modified_gmt":"2010-06-14T12:00:13","slug":"three-conversations-for-polyamorous-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2010\/06\/14\/three-conversations-for-polyamorous-intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Conversations for Polyamorous Intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s talk about relationship conversations for a moment.\u00a0 When you\u2019re polyamorous, you\u2019re going to have them more often just because you have more of them[1]<\/a>.\u00a0 There are different conversations you will often want to have and they\u2019re used for different purposes.\u00a0 I\u2019ve chosen a basic breakdown of three, just because lists are easy and popular on blogs.\u00a0 Snigger as it suits you.<\/p>\n

1. <\/strong>Checking In<\/strong><\/p>\n

The checking in conversation, while usually the shortest, is the most important in any relationship.\u00a0 I find it analogous to doing the dishes immediately after a meal when nothing\u2019s crusty and it\u2019s easy to clean up.<\/p>\n

These conversations tend to be under five minutes, and tend to be along the lines of:\u00a0 I love you.\u00a0 How are things going with you.\u00a0 Do you think there\u2019s anything serious we need to talk about?\u00a0 Nope? Did I tell you that I\u2019ll be out next weekend?\u00a0 Oh, I put it on the calendar. Good.\u00a0 *hugs\/kisses*<\/p>\n

They\u2019re so important because they keep you in touch with your partner without making a heavy deal of the situation.\u00a0 They seem light and trivial \u2013 perhaps hardly worthy of attention.\u00a0 Nothing could be further from the truth!\u00a0 If you take these conversations seriously and to heart, you\u2019re building a lot of trust and intimacy within the relationship.\u00a0 Your partners will rely on that gentle flow of information, and will often be more likely to offer you the same opportunities.<\/p>\n

2. <\/strong>The Hour-Long Conversation<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sometimes long conversations need to happen.\u00a0 Maybe you\u2019ve neglected checking in often.\u00a0 Maybe something really complex has just come up in your life.\u00a0\u00a0 That happens and is a standard part of life.<\/p>\n

You should have a very clear idea what you want to talk about, and leave lots of listening time when you have these.\u00a0 You\u2019ll notice I put a time limit of an hour.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that I think a stopwatch is important.\u00a0 I do think a limited <\/em>time is important.\u00a0 If you\u2019re finding that you\u2019re not sticking to the subject and rambling a lot, it might be you\u2019re thinking aloud rather than having a conversation.\u00a0 Thinking aloud is okay, but it\u2019s important to be clear about what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t go far wrong if you read and take On Civilized Discourse<\/a> to heart!<\/p>\n

3. <\/strong>The All-Nighter<\/strong><\/p>\n

With this one, be afraid.\u00a0 Be very afraid.\u00a0 We\u2019ve all stayed up into the wee, small hours talking.\u00a0 When it\u2019s a bottle of vodka, and a political or philosophical discussion, it can be a lot of fun.\u00a0 If it\u2019s the third time this year for a Serious Relationship Discussion and the snow hasn\u2019t even melted yet, maybe there\u2019s a big problem in the relationship.<\/p>\n

While I\u2019d hesitate to issue a blanket condemnation of all-nighters, approach them with caution, fear and trembling.\u00a0 Plenty of people just aren\u2019t at their best when they\u2019re sleep deprived, and agreements made then might be hard to take seriously[2]<\/a> in the cold light of day.<\/p>\n

The place for these discussions are rare and sparing.\u00a0 Certainly and long and deep conversation can be transformative, but if they\u2019re happening frequent, ain\u2019t no transformation happening.\u00a0 I can\u2019t encourage going with options one and two most often.<\/p>\n

\n

[1]<\/a>Though as a complete aside, I find it weird that friends rarely \u201ctalk about their relationships\u201d while lovers do.\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that odd?<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> Sleep dep is an incredibly useful technique to encourage conformity.\u00a0\u00a0 See the prayer schedule for the stricter monasteries, interrogation techniques, and the sleep schedule of your average boot in Basic Training.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s talk about relationship conversations for a moment.\u00a0 When you\u2019re polyamorous, you\u2019re going to have them more often just because you have more of them[1].\u00a0 There are different conversations you will often want to have and they\u2019re used for different purposes.\u00a0 I\u2019ve chosen a basic breakdown of three, just because lists are easy and popular…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-409","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/409","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=409"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/409\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=409"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=409"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=409"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}