{"id":424,"date":"2010-07-29T09:07:23","date_gmt":"2010-07-29T13:07:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=424"},"modified":"2010-07-29T09:07:23","modified_gmt":"2010-07-29T13:07:23","slug":"want-to-be-valued-value-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2010\/07\/29\/want-to-be-valued-value-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Want to be valued? Value YOU!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I need advice.<\/p>\n

My girl and I began exploring the “lifestyle” about 2 years ago.\u00a0 At some point mid way, I discovered that I was having nervousness block my performance, in my opinion because many encounters seemed rushed.\u00a0 I talked with my partner about doing solo dates, and she was very much against it.\u00a0 So I let go of it.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, my partner gets involved (solo) with a popular social club, and from her explanation it has really helped her in areas of being social, something she had been struggling with.\u00a0 She attended a larger event, held at a campground, and calls me to say she drank too much, and had been offered a spot to spend the night.\u00a0 She was approached by a male member of the group sexually, somehow he gets the opportunity to explain to her the group is full of swingers, and apparently sparks fly between the two of them.\u00a0 She asks me if she could have my blessing to have sex with him, and I agree to it.<\/p>\n

I attend their next event to meet this gentleman, nice guy, apparently the woman seem to love him, and all of the sudden I start noticing that he and my girl are doing things like hugging\/light kissing\/and at one point hand-holding.\u00a0 That night she tells me they are going to sneak out into the woods, and tell her to have fun.\u00a0 After several hours they got back, and my mind had started getting restless.<\/p>\n

Somehow I overlooked the fact this person had the potential of being a very frequent potential dating partner for her, so the next day I kindly explained how I felt to her, and that turned very nasty very fast, and she began threatening to end the relationship, but we reach some sort of simple agreement to lay it to rest until we are clear enough to deal with it in the future.\u00a0 Now I have not ever had a solo playmate, and I am not sure that it\u2019s in my genes to be able to eventually achieve this.<\/p>\n

I am starting to feel anxiety from this situation, I fear it\u2019s going to spin out of control, will be left with over-exaggerated tokens of affection from her, and much less of her time, while feeling inadequate because I don’t believe I have what it takes to even find someone who would be interested in doing the same with me.\u00a0 I tried explaining this to her, but the results we the same.\u00a0 She feels I should have no problems what so ever, but I am just not in that space right now, and confusion had taken over in this relationship.<\/p>\n

Thanks for reading, any advice or comments are greatly appreciated.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Shouldn\u2019t have a problem, huh?\u00a0 Well, maybe it\u2019d be better all around for everyone if you didn\u2019t, but let\u2019s accept for the moment that you do.<\/em> Problems can be solved, so this is hardly a hopeless situation, but don\u2019t let \u201cshould\u201d get in the way for now.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let anyone tell you how you should feel either.<\/p>\n

It does sound like you\u2019re feeling pretty insecure about your own attractiveness.\u00a0 That sucks.\u00a0 It\u2019s beyond the scope of a single blog post to give you really useful, solid advice about how to overcome insecurity about oneself or one\u2019s attractiveness, but I will give you a tiny, minor piece of advice that might be useful:<\/p>\n

Be yourself just as hard as you can.<\/p>\n

As a unique human being, what you really have to bring to the table in terms of a relationship is the unique human being that you<\/em> are.\u00a0 Be that to the hilt.<\/p>\n

You did not give a lot of detail about the conversation between the two of you \u201cgetting nasty fast\u201d and your girlfriend threatening to leave the relationship, so unfortunately I can\u2019t give much clear advice about that.\u00a0\u00a0 I can think of a dozen reasons why it might have, but without more facts on hand, I can only give you some general advice.<\/p>\n