{"id":442,"date":"2010-09-08T18:12:04","date_gmt":"2010-09-08T22:12:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=442"},"modified":"2010-09-08T18:12:04","modified_gmt":"2010-09-08T22:12:04","slug":"19-and-perfect-boobs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2010\/09\/08\/19-and-perfect-boobs\/","title":{"rendered":"19 and Perfect Boobs"},"content":{"rendered":"

My primary partner and I had been togetehr and monogamous for 7 years.\u00a0 One day she started chatting up and exbf form 15 years back, went and saw him, kissed but nothing else, and talked on a daily basis.\u00a0 I never gave ultimatums and proposed trying polyamory as a solution to our situation.\u00a0 After a few days I couldnt handle the jealousy even though he was on the road 1000s of miles away the attention and smiles she got from it made me insanely jealous.\u00a0 I began to understand and overcome my jealousy.\u00a0 I started to date a young lady at the time my primary was first going to see and spend the night with her bf.\u00a0 Things have been up and down and up and down.\u00a0 I have intense feelings for my gf and love my primary but my primary will swing from being OK with everything and excited about it to the point of inviting her over or on trips then swing to feeling she just needs to leave.\u00a0 Keep in mind we have three children at home.\u00a0 She is dealing heavily with insecurity due to the fact that she is older than me and my gf is “19, cute, perfect boobs, more like you, etc”\u00a0 I have reassured that I am not going anywhere and I try my absolute hardest to be sensitive to my primaries needs and feelings.\u00a0 I have broken it off with my gf 2 or 3 times to see if we can just be monogamous again.\u00a0 And to this day we have remained sexually mongamous, but not emotionally.\u00a0 Kisses and groping sure, but actual intercourse no.\u00a0 The last time I broke it of with the gf my primary saw I was sad and felt better about herself and said I should do what makes me happy, she wants me to be happy.\u00a0 I said that if I go back to her again I can’t ever put my gf through the ups and downs of breaking up then not just because my primary is depressed about it again.\u00a0 I am so torn as I have struggled through a few more ups and downs since then and stayed true to my agreement that I wasn’t going to break up with my gf because my primary was having issues again.\u00a0 And a day later my primary is OK again and it is all good.\u00a0 This can happen twice a week sometimes.\u00a0 What am I doing wrong.\u00a0 I love my primary and want to keep my family together but I do love my gf and don’t want to end it with her.\u00a0 Now my primary is today to the point again where she thinks she can’t be polyamorous.\u00a0 By not choosing am I really choosing?\u00a0 So frustrated, and stuck!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You can\u2019t make your partner feel secure.\u00a0 Drop that.\u00a0 You can always be<\/em> trustworthy, attentive and loving.\u00a0 How she reacts to that is up to her.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not being trustworthy, attentive and loving, try that first.\u00a0 But if you\u2019re being loving and trustworthy, the ball is in your partner\u2019s court.<\/p>\n

You could encourage your partner to read How to Become a Secure Person<\/a> by Franklin Veaux.\u00a0 It\u2019s a really good essay and gives a lot of excellent, real-time exercises to work on being secure. It\u2019s not a bunch of fluffy nonsense about how you have to love yourself, but actually a pretty good manual for being real about oneself and relationships.<\/p>\n

I think that you\u2019re wise to put your foot down about the back and forth thing.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never approved of the whole thing where one gets approval for relationships one week, then get it taken away back and forth.\u00a0 Your partner is a real person with real feelings, yes.\u00a0 So if your girlfriend.\u00a0 That can\u2019t be any fun for her.<\/p>\n

Now, the reality is, there are men who will chase the new and shiny and ignore parental responsibilities.\u00a0 I\u2019m not saying you <\/em>are doing this, as I don\u2019t know you, so couldn\u2019t know.\u00a0 What I am saying is that there are a lot of female-headed households struggling really badly because Weekend Dad has decided that trying to turn back the clock is a good idea.\u00a0 \u00a0If your relationship is making it hard for your wife to meet her needs because she\u2019s meeting the kids all the time, you might want to think about that.\u00a0 Being a stay at home wife with kids might seem like there\u2019s a lot of leisure.\u00a0 The problem is,\u00a0 even if you\u2019re not exactly Martha Stewart, you\u2019re always on call.\u00a0\u00a0 If you\u2019re both working full time, is there an equal opportunity to pursue non-child-related interests?<\/p>\n

On a note far more personal than I usually express:\u00a0 Anyone who would dump me for \u201c19 and perfect boobs\u201d has done be a big ole favor, as the last thing I want to do is waste another second<\/em> on his ass.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty much middle aged and not from an especially long-lived family, so the last thing I want to do is waste the precious seconds of my life on someone who doesn\u2019t appreciate me as I am.\u00a0 I\u2019m way too valuable to waste my time on people who don\u2019t appreciate me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My primary partner and I had been togetehr and monogamous for 7 years.\u00a0 One day she started chatting up and exbf form 15 years back, went and saw him, kissed but nothing else, and talked on a daily basis.\u00a0 I never gave ultimatums and proposed trying polyamory as a solution to our situation.\u00a0 After a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-442","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-misanthrope"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/442","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=442"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/442\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=442"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=442"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=442"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}