A Reader Asks:<\/p>\n
My boyfriend told me that he was polyamorous two years ago, and I really liked him and I also liked the idea. I was the first to ask him if I could see another person, but he said that he didn’t feel comfortable about it and I understood. But then he had sex with one of our friends and told me after it happened. He actually asked me if we could include her in our relationship the day after they had sex and I was excited because I like her a lot and still do, but I asked him if they could not have sex just yet. I wanted to get to know her better. But then it came out that they had already done this. My question is:<\/p>\n
What should I do to make sure he is being honest with me?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Do you have any reason to believe he\u2019d lied to you?\u00a0 From what you\u2019ve said, honesty isn\u2019t a problem here.\u00a0 Not only that, volunteering information isn\u2019t the problem, either.\u00a0 You report that he told<\/em> you when he had sex with someone.\u00a0 That\u2019s honest in my book.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re not familiar with the Simple Guide to Relationships<\/a>[1]<\/a>, I\u2019m going to strongly encourage you to take a look at it.\u00a0 A lot of it revolves around two things \u2013 being honest yourself, and believing your partner.\u00a0 Taking one\u2019s partner at his or her word is a great way to train them to be straight with you, if that\u2019s a problem. \u00a0It doesn\u2019t seem to be in your case.\u00a0 Going around trying to hunt down lies in a relationship is treating your partner as an adversary, and I think that\u2019s an unproductive way to approach relationships.\u00a0 The theory is you love<\/em> each other, yes?<\/p>\n
I do want to address something, though.\u00a0 He seems to be okay with having other relationships, but is not<\/em> okay with you doing it.\u00a0 Are you<\/em> okay with that?\u00a0 If so, everything\u2019s all good. \u00a0But think about that one.\u00a0 The One Penis Policy of Polyamory<\/a> has never really struck me as equitable or particularly respectful of women.\u00a0 I\u2019ve always twitched at any relationship where only one<\/em> partner had to face insecurities or do any self-exploration.\u00a0\u00a0 Polyamorous relationships often have lots of people, and all<\/em> of \u2018em need to be pulling their own weight on that score, in my very strong opinion.<\/p>\n
[1]<\/a> Don\u2019t worry.\u00a0 It\u2019s not too long, and it\u2019s a good read.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"A Reader Asks: My boyfriend told me that he was polyamorous two years ago, and I really liked him and I also liked the idea. I was the first to ask him if I could see another person, but he said that he didn’t feel comfortable about it and I understood. But then he had…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-486","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-misanthrope","category-polyamory-101"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=486"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}