{"id":550,"date":"2011-07-27T13:38:23","date_gmt":"2011-07-27T17:38:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/?p=550"},"modified":"2011-07-27T13:38:23","modified_gmt":"2011-07-27T17:38:23","slug":"polyamory-stds-and-partner-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2011\/07\/27\/polyamory-stds-and-partner-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"Polyamory, STDs and Partner Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0Dear Goddess of Java,<\/p>\n

I was recently tested for all STDs and found, to my delight, that I have no STDs.\u00a0 I felt relief and actually thought about calling someone to tell them… but then I thought, whom should I call?\u00a0 I called my primary partner, of course, because it was mostly for him that I was tested.\u00a0 But what about my casual sex partners from the past few months?\u00a0 Is telling someone that you have no STDs similar to telling them that you do have STDs?<\/p>\n

What does it mean that I am STD-free?\u00a0 I already practice safer sex.\u00a0 Is this a condition that I should work harder to retain?\u00a0 If I meet a prospective partner who does the responsible thing and discloses possible exposure or a positive status, am I required due to my previous relationships to take greater steps to preserve my STD-free state if I want to have sex with previous partners?\u00a0 If I do have sex with the STD-positive partner, should I inform my other partners before or after?\u00a0 Do they get a say in whether or not I have sex, or what safer-sex practices I get to use?\u00a0 I’m just not sure what the most responsible and respectful thing to do is in this situation.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

First off, congrats on the clean bill of health.\u00a0 That\u2019s good.\u00a0\u00a0 I hope you\u2019re using good safer sex practices or that you\u2019ll continue to do so.<\/p>\n

As far as whom to tell?\u00a0 If you want to announce the good news you can<\/em> but I wouldn\u2019t think it necessary unless you\u2019re asked.\u00a0 Of course one must<\/em> contact anyone who has been exposed if you test positive for an STD and have them get tested, even if no-one is asking you.\u00a0 That\u2019s information that a responsible person volunteers at the first available opportunity.\u00a0 I expect you knew that.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know what safer sex measures you\u2019re taking, so it\u2019s hard to make a specific recommendation.\u00a0 I\u2019ve recommended Polyamory, STDs and Safer Sex<\/a> before and I\u2019ll do it again.\u00a0 It outlines some excellent guidelines and gives some great information that\u2019s neither scare tactics nor foolish.<\/p>\n

Now, if you have a prospective who has been exposed to an STD (and good that honest disclosure is going on, by the way), you have lots and lots of options.\u00a0 The first and the most important option?\u00a0 Ask your other partners what they would like to have happen in terms of risk management.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that you\u2019re required <\/em>to do so by the Official Polyamory Handbook or anything, but you don\u2019t want to be a jerk.\u00a0 Do I personally listen to partners\u2019 input on what they\u2019re comfortable with in terms of safer sex practices?\u00a0 My word yes.\u00a0 I love my partners.\u00a0 I want them to feel comfortable.\u00a0 I care<\/em> about their health!1<\/sup>\u00a0 While I won\u2019t tolerate being dictated to, my partner selection is such that I\u2019m involved with people whose judgment I consider good, which means that yeah, I\u2019m going to consider input carefully.<\/p>\n

I strongly encourage you to discuss risk tolerance with your partners.\u00a0 Asking partners for their input, how they feel and what they want before making your decision is the most loving and respectful thing you can do.\u00a0 What random strangers with a rep for being hyper-practical think about risk assessment might be okay in terms of a reality check, but it\u2019s your partners who are (or should be selected carefully enough that they can be) your trusted advisors.\u00a0 Get everyone to do some research and then get together and talk about it.<\/p>\n

As a side note?\u00a0 I dislike the OHHH, Leprosy<\/strong>-style reaction a positive on an STD test.\u00a0 I think it discourages frank discussion and intelligent risk management.\u00a0 People don\u2019t like to reveal information if they\u2019re going to be shamed for it, so I think the shaming nonsense is a terrible idea.\u00a0 Have a sense of proportion about it<\/a>!<\/p>\n

______<\/p>\n

1<\/sup> You know, polyamory<\/em>.\u00a0 Love?\u00a0 It\u2019s a factor, after all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0Dear Goddess of Java, I was recently tested for all STDs and found, to my delight, that I have no STDs.\u00a0 I felt relief and actually thought about calling someone to tell them… but then I thought, whom should I call?\u00a0 I called my primary partner, of course, because it was mostly for him that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-misanthrope","category-safer-sex"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/550","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=550"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/550\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}