{"id":70,"date":"2007-09-09T00:00:57","date_gmt":"2007-09-09T04:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/2007\/09\/09\/why-olq-broke-up\/"},"modified":"2007-09-09T00:00:57","modified_gmt":"2007-09-09T04:00:57","slug":"why-olq-broke-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/polyamorousmisanthrope.com\/wordpress\/2007\/09\/09\/why-olq-broke-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Why OLQ Broke Up"},"content":{"rendered":"

Okay, how many of you suckers really, really think I’m going to do a post about that?<\/p>\n

What I am going to do is explain a bit about why there isn’t, nor will there ever be, a Misanthrope article analyzing OLQ’s breakup1<\/sup>.<\/p>\n

The first is merely the tacky factor. I have a strong distaste, shared by my exes, for public displays of negative emotion. Friends, even the most amicable of divorces is painful, and really sucks. Feeding the suckiness isn’t something I wanna do. And at this late date, the suckiness is gone. That’s a good<\/em> thing!<\/p>\n

“Okay,” you say, “but what about the fact that you guys had this huge site about building a poly family and making it work. It didn’t<\/em> work and we don’t know why! You owe<\/em> an explanation.”<\/p>\n

I actually did get an email to the tune of this back in July 2005 when I thought I was retiring from the poly community, but found I was really taking a sabbatical.<\/p>\n

I never did write a response, but I actually did get up from my computer and swore for about five minutes without repeating myself before I was calm enough to decide I’d just let it go without saying anything.<\/p>\n

As a response two years later: No, we don’t owe<\/em> an explanation. Sorry.<\/p>\n

But to be more forthcoming, you’ve heard the old saying, “There are three sides to any breakup: His side, her side and the truth.” Just as there are something like sixteen relationships within a quad, there are an equivalent number of sides in its breakup. Within months of that breakup, I wasn’t capable of a rational analysis and had the sense not to try — certainly not in a public forum.<\/p>\n

Two years on, I feel like I have a more rational handle, and am even more disinclined to do a public postmortem than ever. The information that people need to solve problems in their own relationships is out there, and my own analysis would not add sufficiently to the body of knowledge to overcome any pain showing my own limited, and possibly inaccurate, point of view would cause my exes.<\/p>\n

But you know what? You won’t go far wrong by following the advice on the PolyFamilies site. That showed a lot of what we did right, and problems we were right to work on. I don’t read any of those articles and cringe, nor do I feel ashamed of anything that’s up there. If I’ve changed an opinion, it’ll probably show up here with some level of analysis, but you ain’t gettin’ any juicy dirt.<\/p>\n

I will say that OLQ, even in its breakup, did do something right. We decided “Screw the personal. How do we at least do our best for the kids?” We’re doing okay. Not perfect, because no-one’s perfect, but I’m proud of the fact that we do focus on the important stuff.<\/p>\n

So, in the face of that, if you’re in the throes of a breakup, I’d like to give this advice which has worked for us:<\/p>\n