My wife and I have been looking for a long time to find a person or couple we could date. Not too long ago, we did start going out with a couple. The problem is, while I like them, I don’t like them in *that* way. What do I do? My wife is really excited and I don’t want to disappoint her. Also, the couple are nice people. I’d really like being friends with them, but I’m just not interested otherwise?
Yow, rough situation.
First off, you’re gonna tell the truth, right? You don’t have to be mean about it, but you really do want to be honest here. You said you like these people, so you can certainly say that. But explaining that you really aren’t interested romantically is the honest thing to do.
But I’ll go even further. It’s ultimately the kindest thing to do as well. I know it doesn’t feel great to disappoint people you like or love. I don’t blame you for finding it difficult or painful. Thing is, if you did get involved with these people when you weren’t into it, it’s only going to get worse. Imagine people getting attached and then finding that no, you were just humoring everyone all along. Talk about painful!
One thing you might want to consider, in having this talk, is whether or not dating as a unit is really working out for you and your wife. Maybe it would work out that if she’s quite interested in the couple that she could date them. You don’t specify whether or not you have a “date as a unit” agreement or not but the way your letter reads sort of implies it. If it is, maybe renegotiation would be in order here. If I’m wrong, there’s no problem. She’s free to date ’em and you’re all good from being honest about how you were feeling.
Ultimately, being straight about what you’re thinking or feeling will work out better for everyone.
Good luck!
Thank you for the advice above. I think it is important to note the outcome of this talk that I had above.
I discussed this with my wife, and she discuessed it with the other couple. In the end she left me and is now with the other couple.
Telling the truth is important, but you have to be prepared for all possible outcomes. Telling the truth does not mean you get what you want.
It’s not exactly the advice I would have given which is not to say that yours is wrong. IMHO first he should have asked himself what he would want if he and his wife had reverse feelings toward the couple. Personally, I have frequently had sex with people that I only “liked”. If you can’t make love to your friends, who’s left, your enemies?
I will say that a couple of times I have had sex with people that I didn’t particularly like. One time it work out pretty well and we came to at least like each other. The other time it was a total disaster, but that’s life.
With all of love,
C. J. Czelling