A Reader Asks:
I’ve found your site within the last few weeks and I have a question. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years now, and am currently exploring a dom/sub relationship with her.
I do not exhibit this lifestyle in public as I am upper-level management in a public organization. But, with her in our home and specifically in our bedroom I am almost always the submissive. I love my lifestyle, but I was hoping to meet others in our area (southern Missouri) and see how they live.
First question, is it possible to have a dominant/submissive relationship with lesbians or have I lost my mind?
Second question: Do you know of any clubs or organizations in our area?? Thanks for all your help!
I actually laughed at the first question because it seemed a little strange to me. Why couldn’t a lesbian be in a dom/sub relationship if that’s what you and your partner want? If you’re asking if you’re betraying feminist or egalitarian principles by your bedroom activities, you’re not. Enjoy, though it sounds like you already are. *grin* As far as the sanity thing? Sanity is overrated, anyway. You do what works for you.
For your second question about finding a BDSM club in your area, I didn’t know off the top of my head. I asked the PolyFamilies group (a wonderful collective brain of Very Smart people) and was wisely told to check out Fetlife. You can often find local groups there.
I know at least two D/s lesbian partnerships, fwiw — and you’re absolutely right, why on earth *wouldn’t* two women be able to choose whatever sexual and fetish activities and relationship configurations that they wanted?
(I know that sometimes it’s hard to get around being influenced by cultural paradigms, so I’m not making fun, I’m just saying that it’s a free world and you might as well live your life authentically, joyfully, and sensuously!)
Thank you for your response to my question, I was actually quite shocked when it appeared so quickly!! Also, I am going to try this group above and see if this works for me! Thanks again… 🙂
To the person who asked the original question, I’d suggest tracking down a copy of Coming to Power and its sequel, The Second Coming. It is THE classic of lesbian bdsm.
This is 9 months late, but to back up Soli… Magic words are “Pat Califia“, “Macho Sluts“, and “SAMOIS“. And if you ever see an old issue of the sadly out-of-print magazine Bad Attitude, seize it like a starving shrew. (And then schedule a long session of private reading time ASAP.)
The famous Lesbian S/M Safety Manual is another one. For such a slim volume, it’s a wealth of information, with a couple of hot stories thrown in.
Also, I should mention that it is actually incredibly common that people with a lot of responsibility at work enjoy submission in their off time. This is what keeps professional doms employed.