This damn blog has been too serious lately. There are times when I think we poly writers, in concern for the poly community and its issues might be giving an inaccurate impression.
You see how it’s work. You see all the skills you need to learn. You see how we caution you that we all have our jealousies, insecurities and our issues.
It’s not that this isn’t true. It is, but goodness me, it’s like the heat tiles on the Space Shuttle. You’re screwed without ’em, yeah. But they’re not the sum total of the mission. The point of the Shuttle was to get people into space and safely home.
The point of polyamory is to enjoy. Not just sexy rumpus, though I hope you’re enjoying as much of that as you want to be. Friends, relationships are fun and satisfying in general. These are your peeps – people to make a movie with, build siege engines with, have interesting debates with, laugh with, share joy with.
So yeah, you do need to do maintenance on the heat tiles. But don’t stay on the launch pad doing after your systems check, people. Fly.
Thanks for this. I confess that, with all the poly online groups and blogs that I follow, I almost never read anything about it being fun or rewarding. One has to assume that it must be, for those involved to constantly work at it so much. But it does seem, from reading most discussions, like it is all work and no play. 😛
For what it’s worth? At this stage in the game for me, it’s a good 90% play/positive. Discussion with partners about relationships are often less than two minutes in length before we get on to something fun –which is sometimes a discussion about some point in the Human Condition just ’cause I tend to get involved with people who like that kind of thing as much as I do…
Part of the problem is that you’d be hard put to write a poly blog that deals with that a lot, as it would really be off-topic unless discussing your sex life online is your kink. If I talk about being in a play with a partner, that’s not necessarily of general interest in a poly blog, even though it’s something fun I’m doing with a partner. Ditto making a movie, or giving a dinner party or what have you.
A vast majority of being poly doesn’t involve “Being Poly”, if that makes any sense. You have multiple relationships, but in general, you lives your life, ya know? That could involve a lot of things that don’t involve touching binkies.
I think that part of what you’re seeing is selection bias — people tend to write in to poly groups when they’re having a problem that they want feedback on.
If they’re out there, living their lives, having fun, loving their partners, making time for hobbies, raising children if they choose to do so, and generally working a day job . . . that doesn’t leave a ton of time for writing in to poly communities just to report that everything is still going pretty much awesomely 🙂
I comment a lot in poly communities, but I don’t post often — in part because it would be a bit repetitive after a while. “Everything’s good, no drama, my partners are being supportive as I’m going through a rough time preparing for an unwanted move, wish we all had more money and a TARDIS, but otherwise everything is awesome, relationship-wise.”
I know a lot of people who are living just like that — but they have a lot less visibility, because they aren’t the ones writing into the online poly advice communities 🙂