Okay, I’ve had it with the whole boilin’ of you nutcases!
What in the hell is wrong with you that you’re okay with treating other human beings as need fulfillment objects? A good seventy percent of the letters I get aren’t about how to handle a person to person relationship, but how to get another human being to be more compliant or convenient at need fulfillment.
For pity’s sake, stoppit!
If you’re not up for having a human to human relationship, you’ve got problems and, honey, it has zero to do with polyamory.
Join the damn human race before you decide you want a relationship – and ya know what? This applies across the board. I don’t give a damn if you’re monogamous or what. Treat people as humans, not objects to satisfy you.
If you need a promise of a payoff, I can promise you that your relationships will be better and any needs you have will be better fulfilled. Do it for your own self-interest if you can’t suck it up and, you know, act like a living, thinking person.
(And yeah, I think I need to get me a damn cup of coffee!)
hahahaha, amen. I’ve run into this several times lately. I was starting to wonder if the human race needed a refresher course on interacting with each other.
This reminds me of a very recent LiveJournal entry I wrote about it not always being about intent but also about perception. What you want isn’t always the part that counts.
Preach. It.
I chuckle at the objections I’ve seen in other venues: “I’m not trying to make them act the way I want — I just want to, uh, figure out what I have to say to make them want to act the way I want.”
Even better (although more rare) is the objection: “I don’t treat people like objects — I treat them like exquisite things that must be cared for and tended.”
I have this problem every time someone starts expounding on the benefits of poly with “Sometimes you want to do X but person A isn’t into it; you can do X with person B!” Poly is NOT about getting my needs fulfilled, any more than I go “friend shopping” because I don’t know someone to do X with.
At least someone said it! Bravo.
Yes, yes, yes!! We recently lost my partners first new relationship she had tried since we began exploring poly. The excuses were amazing, why does there need to be a laundry list rather than just a simple we don’t work well as humans. I had no idea there were that many people out there requiring people to fill a specific need or desire. 🙁
Sorry people aren’t being nice. They judge because it scares them. Hugs to you!
just saw this and choked on my coffee laughing. thanks for saying it better than I could.
Hmm. I *do* go “friend shopping” because I would like someone to share a particular activity/hobby. Of course, merely having that thing in common is not the one and only thing I look for, but I do actively look for it.