Girls Can Be Creepy, Too

My current problem is this:

How do I get guys to not run away screaming when they find out I’m married? At least I think that’s my problem… I’ll explain below.

I come across a guy and he seems interesting, so I want to get to know him better. So I added him on. Well I wrote him a message as I hadn’t met him in person, only saw him in passing (he was playing music where I saw him and then I found out he was in a band). I thought great I can keep up with him online and maybe chat with him at a show.

It’s been like a week and I think somehow I’ve already scared him off. He never answered my initial message (not that I really thought he would, boys are just kind of like that, hehe), and on FB he has “liked” several things I’ve posted but never really responded directly to me at all. Today he had a show and I wanted to know about how the venue works when it rains, I’ve never been and I was taking my daughter so I needed to plan ahead. I left a message asking on the band page, but no response and then I saw he was online so I sent a message asking. Again, no response… I figure he’s prepping for a show and is probably busy, no big.

Well my daughter and I go to the show (turns out they just put a tent type of thing to cover the band and the dining is covered already). As soon as I walk over to sit down I can see him and his bandmates and he kind of eyes me. It was not in a friendly I recognize her, hello kind of way, but in an “OMG, it’s her” kind of way (at least that was my impression). He looked at me and glanced at his bandmates, they looked at me, etc. I was kind of glad I couldn’t see him during the show as the tent blocked my view but one bandmate eyeballed me a few times.

Mind you I don’t like care about this guy per se… meaning I just thought I’d take a chance and put myself out there to see if I might get a friend out of it. Somehow though I don’t think that has any chance of happening and I already feel rejected. I just want to know if there’s something I can do in my approach and such to put a guy at ease so I don’t spook him. So he’ll treat me like any normal female he has a conversation with and not like a leper.

Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!

The Married Melancholy Lonesome Leper

I should probably be more gentle about this but I am not going to.

It’s not about you being married. It’s about you being creepy.

You made contact. He didn’t respond personally. You kept trying to make more contact personally. Male or female, honey, that’s creepy!

Public figures like musicians are in a weird position. Especially at the local level, certainly part of their marketing strategy is to build a fan base, and that means being… well, at least a little friendly and responsive to fans. (Hence a “like” or two in social media). Yes, musicians (and writers and other artists) really do, no kidding, appreciate their fans. It’s how they get to do what they do.

But, there are people, and apparently you’re one, who won’t take a gentle hint (non-response on a personal level) and keep those fan/public figure boundaries. If he does anything more than hint gently, he pisses off a potential fan who he knows is in social media and may start bad-mouthing him, messing up his career.

That’s scary.

If someone doesn’t respond to you on a personal level when you make contact, they’re not interested. Move on. This has zero to do with someone running screaming from a married person and everything to do with you not respecting boundaries.