Hello, my husband and I have been with our partner only about three months she’s 21 and lives with family. Her family is now making her choose whether or not to be with us or them. We love her and want her to be with us, but I don’t feel right asking her to choose us over her family. I keep having the thought of should we let her go and live a “normal” life one where she can have her family get married and have a family.
Let her go?
What, are you keeping her chained up or something? This one is a non-problem. Well, at least for you. If you and your husband want to be with her, then you have your side settled.
The possible problem comes in when it comes to what your partner wants. If your partner wants to continue to live with her family, yeah, dumping y’all might be a condition of that. That’s not your choice. Up to her.
If you don’t want to be involved with her, then you don’t have to, no matter what she decides with her family, because whether or not you are involved with someone isn’t up to anyone but you.
________________________
I’ve been around the poly lighthouse a few times, and I recognize one can infer a lot of subtext in this particular letter. I’m not going there. The reason I am not going there is that we tend to overcomplicate things and ignore the real issue. Learning to distill your decisions down to the actual issue rather than confusing it with peripheral concerns is one of the best skills you can develop towards personal happiness. I highly recommend it.