A Reader Asks:
I have been having a lot of problems lately; I know that the majority of the issues I’m having are PTSD-related, but some are related to my 6-month old poly relationship. I tried to join my local poly “community,” and was told that I wasn’t poly if I hadn’t had multiple, concurrent relationships for more than a year. They won’t share anything with me, and I’ve been denied membership in their online group.
My therapist has been trying to locate a poly therapist or counselor for me, but he’s had no luck.
Can you make any suggestions as to where I look next? I’m getting desperate.
Well, as exclusionary as that local group seems to be, I don’t expect they’d be much help to you, anyway. They’re more interested in maintaining an exclusive club, and that’s not an environment that’s going to be any real help to you. You don’t say where you live, but unless you’re living in East Nowhere like I do, there will be other poly groups that would make considerably better friends. It’s one thing not to want to date people who haven’t been poly awhile. But to refuse to socialize with people solely on those grounds, or to claim someone isn’t poly? I can’t say as I approve. On the other hand, if you’re wanting to join for free counseling and therapy, I can kinda understand a certain leeriness. I don’t have all the facts, there, which is kind of why I’m speculating on both sides.
I would say some online resources may be useful to you. Livejournal has the Polyamory group, which is pretty good, as well as the Polyamorous Misanthrope group, which isn’t too active, but the members tend to give sensible advice. Yahoogroups has Polyfamilies. I can guarentdamnTEE you’ll get some sensible advice there. There are many people there far more sensible and smarter than I am, so you’d do well to check it out.
If you’re on Facebook, and are comfortable discussing poly problems under your real name (and not everyone is), there are several poly groups and pages there.
For professional help, you might want to check out the Kink Aware Professionals. Lotta useful information there.
But the takeaway? You’re not alone. There are lots of people who are poly who have had issues and yes, there is help out there. Possibly joining a discussion group could help with finding something for face to face help. But yes, help is out there.