A few days ago, there was a Coffee Incident in my household that prompted a post. I got a lot of interesting responses, but I wanted to discuss the matter a little deeper and point out a core value that may have been overlooked. For those of you who missed the last episode, The Prince…
Author: GoddessofJava
Goddess of Java’s Boundaries Quiz
I talk a great deal about setting boundaries and expressing preferences, and sometimes have struggled to differentiate this between being controlling and giving orders. I was less than perfect about this this morning, and realized while the incident was trivial, the example was beautifully illustrative. As my sobriquet might suggest, I am fond of coffee. …
Jealousy and Abandonment Issues in Polyamory
Mike wrote in to ask: I’ve been in an open relationship for almost two years now. We’re very much in love and have, generally, good and open communication. I have been monogamous but philosophically open to poly before I met my current partner. She and I have worked through a lot of my jealousy…
Ask the Misanthrope: Can a Lesbian Have a Dom/Sub Relationship?
A Reader Asks: I’ve found your site within the last few weeks and I have a question. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years now, and am currently exploring a dom/sub relationship with her. I do not exhibit this lifestyle in public as I am upper-level management in a public…
Ask the Misanthrope: Where Can We Find A Party Favor
Hello. My husband and I are young and take very good care of ourselves. Where can we find a bicurious, bisexual, or lesbian woman to explore with but create no attachments. Just for exploring my sexuality. You’d probably find your best results Googling “Escort Services” and the name of your city. You may have to…
Ask the Misanthrope: Not Poly Enough
A Reader Asks: I have been having a lot of problems lately; I know that the majority of the issues I’m having are PTSD-related, but some are related to my 6-month old poly relationship. I tried to join my local poly “community,” and was told that I wasn’t poly if I hadn’t had multiple, concurrent…
Ask the Misanthrope: Polyamorous Lie Detector?
A Reader Asks: My boyfriend told me that he was polyamorous two years ago, and I really liked him and I also liked the idea. I was the first to ask him if I could see another person, but he said that he didn’t feel comfortable about it and I understood. But then he had…
Secondary Relationships Follow-up: They Ain’t All Bad
Yesterday, I posted a tongue-in-cheek collaboration between a couple of snarky, but very wise men who were expressing concerns about how secondaries are often treated. Is it funny? Yes. Will it make some people cry because it was true for them? Sadly, yes. This is not to say that a secondary relationship is automatically bad. …
Secondary Clarity
What with lots of couples going poly and thinking that they can experiment with other people’s hearts as an appropriate safeguard to their own marriage, I’d like to present the following for anyone considering being a secondary in a relationship. The idea and most of the text is Edward Martin, III’s; and Franklin Veaux made…
Off-Topic, but Important
I recognize many of my readers have their pet charities and causes. For that, thank you. Anything you do to make the world a better place is a good thing, and I’m always happy to hear stories about it if you want to tell them to me. For those of you who don’t and are…