I need advice. My girl and I began exploring the “lifestyle” about 2 years ago. At some point mid way, I discovered that I was having nervousness block my performance, in my opinion because many encounters seemed rushed. I talked with my partner about doing solo dates, and she was very much against it. So…
Author: GoddessofJava
You’re All Fucking Idiots
About seven or eight years ago, I was unemployed over a summer. Well, not so much unemployed as I was looking for “Real Jobs” through a temp agency and being what’s now called Virtual Assistant[1] intermittently, and cleaning up the code on websites for clients. This left me time to kibbitz with my then-wife in…
Ask the Misanthrope: Coming Out as Poly
Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, I recently started a relationship with a person who has never been poly before. We’ve been dating for a little over a month and things have gotten really emotionally intimate, really fast. It’s wonderful and we’re both really happy being with each other. The complicated part for him is that I’m very…
Ask the Misanthrope: Confused and Need Help
This letter is an edited highlights version – just for clarity’s sake: I am attracted to the idea of polyamory for the spiritual implications, perhaps even more so than the physical ones. I feel it can help us to grow more as people, and can elevate and expand our love and oneness to new heights….
Three Conversations for Polyamorous Intimacy
Let’s talk about relationship conversations for a moment. When you’re polyamorous, you’re going to have them more often just because you have more of them[1]. There are different conversations you will often want to have and they’re used for different purposes. I’ve chosen a basic breakdown of three, just because lists are easy and popular…
The One Penis Policy
Many moons ago, I ran across a term that just tickled the hell out of me, both for its succinctness and its applicability to many polyamorous situations. I wish I’d come up with it, because it’s just that good. It’s called the One Penis Policy, and it tends to run something like this: Male: Hey,…
Ask the Misanthrope: Left Out
A New Reader Asks: I have been seeing a guy,living and working with him for about 4 months. He introduced me to the idea of polyamory. I had honestly never heard of it, but the more I learned the more I wanted of it. Secretly I had been bisexual and interested in women for some…
Sexual Tastes
If you have a sexual taste and think you’re the only person who has it, you’re probably wrong. If you have a sexual taste and think that everyone shares it, you’re probably wrong. This has been a Public Service Announcement from the Goddess of Java and the Society for Putting Things on Top of Other…
Ask the Misanthrope: Jealousy?
A Faithful Reader Asks: My husband and I have been discussing polyamory over the past couple months. I feel comfortable with the idea, and I know we communicate very well with each other. I am actually concerned about how my reactions could possibly hurt his relationships. I know I have had jealousy issues in the…
The Goddess of Java asks YOU!
I got so many thoughtful and interesting answers to last week’s question, I just had to roll with it again. Thanks for everyone who answered. For those of you who are poly and have had children born into your poly circles, I’m wondering how it affected you? What changes did you see in your poly…