Relationships can be good and fulfilling things — no doubt about it. They can bring joy, help and mutual comfort to all involved. However, there is a problem. People are people. Sometimes they’re just fine people. Sometimes they’re rescuers. Sometimes they’re users. I’m aiming this article mostly at the rescuer. You know who you are….
Author: GoddessofJava
Love and Time
“Love may be limitless, but time is not.” — Me (And forty’leven other polyamorous people) Where are your priorities? No, no, sit back down and stop panicking. I’m not here to tell you that you need to give up your life to other people. And you people who spend all your lives on other people…
Woo! Hoo! An Interview!
Bryghteyez and Michael are a poly couple I’ve known for some years on the PolyFamilies list, as well as working with them on a couple of PolyFamilies CampCons. They graciously consented to be interviewed about their marriage and relationships. 1. How old were you both when you met? Michael: Lesse, it was the spring of…
What Do I Want?
Mama Java’s been ranting about asking for what you want and explaining why it’s important to do so lately. Yeah, yeah, that’s all cool and groovy and evolved and shit. What if you don’t know what you want? Valid concern. People don’t know what they want sometimes. Or sometimes they realize what they thought they…
The Emotional Bank Account
I used the expression in my Vetos article about the Emotional Bank Account, and would like to explore the concept a little more in depth. The Emotional Bank Account is the level of trust you and your partner(s) have between each other. The higher the balance in the emotional bank account, the greater slack you’re…
I Shouldn’t Want That!
Quick quiz: When I ask for something I ask for What I think I should want. What I think I can get that is closest to what I want. What I want. I chose what I should want. Okay, sure, lots of people have done this. It’s not an unusual option when you feel guilty…
I’m okay, you suck
As is often the case, I had my cranky pants on during an Internet discussion and started ranting about how fringe groups often like to get self-congratulatory about what better people they are. This ain’t a polyamorous phenomenon, mind. As far as I can tell, it’s part of the Human Experience. It does drive me…
Ducks in a Row
Poly people out there, do you have your legal ducks in a row? Most of these things are legal documents that anyone, poly or not, should have in order. Thing is, because polyamorous situations can muddy legal waters, it’s important to have your wishes clear. Not all of the documents will apply to all poly…
I IZ IN UR EMAIL ANSWERING UR QUESTIONZ
Greetings Misanthrope, I have a difficult problem and I am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I live in a quad arrangement with my husband and another couple but I do not have a sexual relationship with the other husband. We are basically roommates. I do have a sexual relationship with the…
Journey of Self-Discovery
If I see one more person act like being poly is a journey of self-discovery (as if that’s what makes poly valuable) I may vomit — Or at least make myself a stiff martini as anesthesia. That martini becomes a double if it sneers at monogamous people for not doing it. No, better yet, go…