I am a mostly-mono woman in an LDR with a poly woman who classifies herself as the “free-love hippie” type, but more and more it seems like she’s using poly as an excuse not to care about my feelings. We had discussed that casual dates with other people would be okay, but she had translated…
Author: GoddessofJava
Can Having Children and Polyamory Mix?
One of the biggest challenges in a polyamorous person’s life is how to balance good parenting with multiple relationships. As you often hear, “Love is limitless; time is not.” But more than that, how do you handle the concept of being polyamorous in a monogamous world, and how does that mesh or clash with being…
Space Shuttle Polyamory
This damn blog has been too serious lately. There are times when I think we poly writers, in concern for the poly community and its issues might be giving an inaccurate impression. You see how it’s work. You see all the skills you need to learn. You see how we caution you that we all…
How did I get in THIS mess?
I sometimes talk about creeping concessions, but I sometimes wonder if I’m giving the impression that I don’t believe in negotiation. Nothing could be further from the truth. The only real trick is how to differentiate the two. Creeping concessions, in my experience, are one-time concessions or favors that are then established as precedents from…
Blindsided by Jealousy
Mama Java, help me. I’ve identified as poly since I knew what the word meant. I used to have no concept of romantic jealousy and assumed, foolishly, that this made me an enlightened being. In reality it’s left me totally unprepared for jealousy when it does hit. I have two partners. My partners each have…
Unbundling
Guest column by Vrimj today! Suggestion for Married Couples moving from monogamy to polyamory: Unbundle. A lot of the newbie mistakes that hurt everyone in the poly world come from married couples who consider themselves a package deal, in part because they consider themselves a package. When businesses try to sell me bundled services, say…
Looking Vanilla and the Law in Polyamory
Hi Ms. Java, A friend of mine is having difficulty with his ex wife. He’s in an open relationship with a married woman (who’s husband knows), and he is concerned that his ex’s new love may be hurting her and maybe even his kids. He wants to ask the courts for more, or even full…
Disclosure When On the Prowl
Ok. So, I am a poly mama, in an open relationship that has its own nuances and complexities, like any other relationship of any flavor. Dilemma, nutshell: I have for the first time opened an OK Cupid account. I have not gone on any dates yet, but I have responded to many potential suitors. Am…
You Have to Choose
Hi Java, I’ve been with my man 9 years and am deeply in love with him, however, I’m also in love with another woman. I’ve loved her since before I met him – but only recognised recently that it was sexual (I’ve always believed I was straight). I told my partner and he went nuts….
On Being Out
I’m out when it comes to poly. People who know me well know I am. I put my poly writing and stuff on my CV. Plenty of people who read this know my “real name”. Given the US political climate these days, I’m occasionally concerned about it. But since one cannot stuff the genie back…