Mama Java, help me. I’ve identified as poly since I knew what the word meant. I used to have no concept of romantic jealousy and assumed, foolishly, that this made me an enlightened being. In reality it’s left me totally unprepared for jealousy when it does hit. I have two partners. My partners each have…
Category: Ask the Misanthrope
Looking Vanilla and the Law in Polyamory
Hi Ms. Java, A friend of mine is having difficulty with his ex wife. He’s in an open relationship with a married woman (who’s husband knows), and he is concerned that his ex’s new love may be hurting her and maybe even his kids. He wants to ask the courts for more, or even full…
Disclosure When On the Prowl
Ok. So, I am a poly mama, in an open relationship that has its own nuances and complexities, like any other relationship of any flavor. Dilemma, nutshell: I have for the first time opened an OK Cupid account. I have not gone on any dates yet, but I have responded to many potential suitors. Am…
You Have to Choose
Hi Java, I’ve been with my man 9 years and am deeply in love with him, however, I’m also in love with another woman. I’ve loved her since before I met him – but only recognised recently that it was sexual (I’ve always believed I was straight). I told my partner and he went nuts….
Bouncing the Reality Check
I’m in a primary poly relationship and a few secondary ones. On the whole things are great and the world is wonderful. One of my newer partners has a primary and poly family of his own. They are a great bunch of people. We’ve been taking things slow and recently both cleared our STI screening…
One Poly Opera
Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. It may be quite lengthy, so brace yourself! I am definitely in need of some goddess intervention tho… (Yes, the letter is long. I’ve edited for length here) I have been in a polyamorous relationship for a year and a half now, and, let…
Where’s the Love?
I have a fundamental flaw that is of course so embedded in my personality, that I cannot recognize it. Maybe you can help. I fall in love with plain, vanilla women for about a year, sometimes less sometimes much longer. At the end, I find myself searching for someone who is as un-vanilla as I…
A Can of Worms: Polyamory Definitions
Got an interesting one in my mailbox this morning: How is Polyamory different from being in an open relationship? I got into an argument with someone about it, I think it’s an unrealistic idea for most people. I personally believe that “polyamory” for many people is an intellectual validation/ politically correct term for “promiscuity” or…
Bailing on Dates
I met my secondary partner earlier this year and we took our time getting to know each other before we played, and agreed to start a play-partnership. Then a few months ago she met a new primary, and I only found this out when she added a new relationship status up online. As a result…
Package Deals in Polyamory
For the record, this letter was a bit longer. I’ve edited it for brevity, but I hope that I kept the salient points: For almost half a year now, I’ve been involved in a polyamorous relationship with a married man. His wife and I are very different people. I’ve been trying to find some common…