I need some help. I am new to the world of poly, in fact I would go as far as saying it’s just a curiosity. But I have kind of put myself in an awkward situation now. I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. We have been together for just over 6 months….
Category: boundaries
Participating in Cheating
I am a woman who is a solo polyamorist. I experienced a painful break-up with a FWB over a year ago, and I took it very hard (I have never taken this long to get over a break-up before), so I’ve been a poly without any relationships for a long time. Over the past six…
Don’t Treat People as Things
I reposted Secondary Clarity on Tumblr yesterday, and got a very interesting response. I thought it was actually worth a column. The original post was mostly the following graphic written by a couple of buddies of mine who have been poly a looonnnngg time and have Learned Stuff. After posting it, I was asked: As…
Girls Can Be Creepy, Too
My current problem is this: How do I get guys to not run away screaming when they find out I’m married? At least I think that’s my problem… I’ll explain below. I come across a guy and he seems interesting, so I want to get to know him better. So I added him on. Well…
How did I get in THIS mess?
I sometimes talk about creeping concessions, but I sometimes wonder if I’m giving the impression that I don’t believe in negotiation. Nothing could be further from the truth. The only real trick is how to differentiate the two. Creeping concessions, in my experience, are one-time concessions or favors that are then established as precedents from…
Bailing on Dates
I met my secondary partner earlier this year and we took our time getting to know each other before we played, and agreed to start a play-partnership. Then a few months ago she met a new primary, and I only found this out when she added a new relationship status up online. As a result…
On Gaslighting
This guest column was written by Peter J. Vinton, Jr., aka The Prince. It’s Just A Trifle Lily innocuously asks a favor of you one day. Say, a quick phone call asking you to pick up her friend Orlando in front of the hardware store, and then to drop him off at the grocery store,…
Being Informed and Dirty Little Secrets in Polyamory
I wanted to message you (as I’m sure most people who message you do) about a poly/open relationship I’m in. As for the background, I’ve been separated for about 11 months and have been seeing someone for the last two and a half. He is also divorced and on the third night that he stayed…
Goddess of Java’s Boundaries Quiz
I talk a great deal about setting boundaries and expressing preferences, and sometimes have struggled to differentiate this between being controlling and giving orders. I was less than perfect about this this morning, and realized while the incident was trivial, the example was beautifully illustrative. As my sobriquet might suggest, I am fond of coffee. …
Ask the Misanthrope: Coming Out as Poly
Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, I recently started a relationship with a person who has never been poly before. We’ve been dating for a little over a month and things have gotten really emotionally intimate, really fast. It’s wonderful and we’re both really happy being with each other. The complicated part for him is that I’m very…