A New Reader Asks: I have been seeing a guy,living and working with him for about 4 months. He introduced me to the idea of polyamory. I had honestly never heard of it, but the more I learned the more I wanted of it. Secretly I had been bisexual and interested in women for some…
Category: boundaries
We’ve Done It, Now Let Me Fix Your Life
There’s a popular situation in sitcoms and romantic comedies. There’ll be this couple — one of them[1] being presented as having their life a bit out of order. The couple sleeps together, and then the more together partner starts getting the other person’s life in order for them. I’ve never been too happy with this…
I Thought We Were POLY
Polyamory is about love and intimacy, right? So poly people are the lovingest, mostest intimate cuddlemuffins out there. If you find someone wants to keep the slightest bit of themselves to themselves, they’re not really poly. People that need space cannot possibly be polyamorous. They’re sneaky monsters with an agenda to torture the poor loving…
Closets
I mentioned in last week’s column that there are legitimate reasons why one might want to keep one’s romantic life quite private. A poly person in the military or any other profession where witchhunts for sexual deviance are likely is probably either gonna want to change careers and be out or keep her mouth shut…
Ask the Misanthrope: Cover Story
Hi, Goddess of Java, I am a BIG fan of yours and I come to this site in times of need, loneliness or when other frustrations arise. I am the 3rd in a triad of a married couple with 2 kids. I am very grateful to be able to love my new family and to…
Designated Control Freak
One of the issues that often arise in poly situations — especially in group living is who decides what gets done. Sure, sure, a consensus model works. But have you ever gotten more than two people to happily agree on more than 50% of decisions? (The “happily” part is important in the long run. Just…
It Ain’t Just Polyamory, People!
Back many moons ago when I used to write for PolyFamilies, my spice at the time and I used to muse over the fact that the site would be useful to almost anyone. It was mostly about running a household, with the quirkiness of being a multi-adult marriage thrown in. The principles, however, could be…
You Don’t Have to Do It
I’ve been watching on several polyamory boards to see people trying to make themselves okay with being in polyamorous relationships. I’ve seen descriptions of people feeling like their hearts are being ripped out. I’ve seen descriptions of people wanting to curl into a ball and cry while their partners are with other people. I’ve even…
Front of the hand, back of the hand …
This guest column is by Jenny Ford. Polyamory ain’t all beer and skittles. Like your hand, it has two sides, and they can’t be separated. For every wonderful advantage to being polyamorous, there is a corresponding down side, and some of them are mighty difficult to anticipate. Jealousy, time management, communication and boundaries are the…
But I NEED You!
I’ve been in sexual relationships for over twenty years as well as having made a study of them in the last seven. The more I study, the more I see that many problems in relationships seem to be problems of dependence and commodifying a partner. Dependence comes in many forms — emotional, physical, financial. If…