That pantheistic, mystical “Thou art God!” chorus that runs through the book is not offered as a creed, but as an existentialist assumption of personal responsibility, devoid of all godding. It says, “Don’t appeal for mercy to God the Father up in the sky, little man, because he’s not at home and never was at…
Category: boundaries
Dependent/Independent/Interdependent
Community is important. (Yeah, yeah, I know, big shock that I’d say that. Stop pretending to have a heart attack). I’ve been preaching boundaries and acceptable behavior for many months here, and the reason I do it is because community is important and you cannot have a good relationship without interdependence. Thing is, you won’t…
The Brave Little Toaster
This week’s column is by guest writer Rainy Hannah A few years ago, while in the throes of a very bad breakup, I stopped participating in the larger polyamorous community. I unsubscribed from everything and spent the next year and a half on sabbatical from the poly community at large. I needed time to think…
Being Used
Relationships can be good and fulfilling things — no doubt about it. They can bring joy, help and mutual comfort to all involved. However, there is a problem. People are people. Sometimes they’re just fine people. Sometimes they’re rescuers. Sometimes they’re users. I’m aiming this article mostly at the rescuer. You know who you are….
I IZ IN UR EMAIL ANSWERING UR QUESTIONZ
Greetings Misanthrope, I have a difficult problem and I am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I live in a quad arrangement with my husband and another couple but I do not have a sexual relationship with the other husband. We are basically roommates. I do have a sexual relationship with the…
H.A.L.T
I ran across the acronym H.A.L.T for a reminder in times of stress or distress on the Flylady mailing list. Basically, it runs like this. Self: I feel like crap. I’m ruminating. I’m upset, I hate the world (or myself, or whatever tends to be your danger signal for negative emotion). This can be a…
Decluttering Your Emotional Space
This week’s column is by guest writer, Jenny Ford. Forget those piles of paper, bulging closets, and kitchen cabinets full of lidless plastic containers. The real stressor in life is not physical clutter, it’s emotional clutter. Just as the physical clutter can be dealt with by a big one-off effort and a little daily maintenance,…
Embracing the Inner Hardass
Do you have Rules for Dating? If you don’t, you should. Yes, I know, “should” is bad and evil and I’m stomping all over boundaries to tell you that you should be doing anything. Feh. I suck, I know. Okay… You might find it helpful to write yourself a series of dating rules. (Better?) I…
Boundaries
I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that each and every one of the relationship problems I have ever had can be traced to one single thing. Now me? I’m usually suspicious of the “silver bullet” or the “instant solution” or the “single answer” to anything. I like things to be black and…