Let’s talk about relationship conversations for a moment. When you’re polyamorous, you’re going to have them more often just because you have more of them[1]. There are different conversations you will often want to have and they’re used for different purposes. I’ve chosen a basic breakdown of three, just because lists are easy and popular…
Category: Communication
Ask the Misanthrope: Left Out
A New Reader Asks: I have been seeing a guy,living and working with him for about 4 months. He introduced me to the idea of polyamory. I had honestly never heard of it, but the more I learned the more I wanted of it. Secretly I had been bisexual and interested in women for some…
I Thought We Were POLY
Polyamory is about love and intimacy, right? So poly people are the lovingest, mostest intimate cuddlemuffins out there. If you find someone wants to keep the slightest bit of themselves to themselves, they’re not really poly. People that need space cannot possibly be polyamorous. They’re sneaky monsters with an agenda to torture the poor loving…
Respectful Communication and Mind-Reading
Not too long ago, I was in the living room working idly on some material. The Prince was in his room on a teleconference with a client. Our son was wandering through the house as he often does, waving a blue-painted wooden sword and speaking dialog that will be turned into his latest movie. He…
The Questionable Content of Unspoken Assumptions
I’m a big fan of the online strip Questionable Content. One of the more recent strips has a couple of characters have a discussion about sex and relationships that I found interesting. For those poor souls who have not yet had the opportunity to become fans, the two characters are friends with benefits. The male……
Ask the Misanthrope: Telling the Truth
My wife and I have been looking for a long time to find a person or couple we could date. Not too long ago, we did start going out with a couple. The problem is, while I like them, I don’t like them in *that* way. What do I do? My wife is really excited…
Don’t Let the Dishes Get Crusty
“Honey, we’ve got to talk.” Do you hear this phrase often enough to make your blood run cold? Do most of your relationship talks start this way? Does this usually preface a several-hour discussion? If your relationships’ communication styles rely on a series of “Come to Jesus” chats, you’re not really communicating. Someone’s lecturing and…
Designated Control Freak
One of the issues that often arise in poly situations — especially in group living is who decides what gets done. Sure, sure, a consensus model works. But have you ever gotten more than two people to happily agree on more than 50% of decisions? (The “happily” part is important in the long run. Just…
Effective Communication
We talk about communication being important between polyamorous people all the time, and with good reason. It is important. I got to thinking about ways to ensure good communication and came up with the following: Tell the truth This seems really basic and you know, it isn’t. I’m not talking “Brutal Honesty” here. That’s usually…
You Don’t Have to Do It
I’ve been watching on several polyamory boards to see people trying to make themselves okay with being in polyamorous relationships. I’ve seen descriptions of people feeling like their hearts are being ripped out. I’ve seen descriptions of people wanting to curl into a ball and cry while their partners are with other people. I’ve even…