That pantheistic, mystical “Thou art God!” chorus that runs through the book is not offered as a creed, but as an existentialist assumption of personal responsibility, devoid of all godding. It says, “Don’t appeal for mercy to God the Father up in the sky, little man, because he’s not at home and never was at…
Category: Communication
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
We talk about the polyamory mantra being communicate, communicate, communicate. Do I agree with it? Good Lord, yes! Communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. When you stop communicating, things fall apart. Most people who’ve been on this spinning globe more than twelve years or so have had the dubious pleasure of entering into…
Infidelity: A Deeper Analysis of the Desperate Housewife (or -Husband)
This isn’t by the Goddess of Java, but is by The Ferret and originally posted here. Reposted by permission. This is excellent stuff! In my last discussion of infidelity, I outlined the four basic types of cheaters. Of that, there were only two who you could really hope to have a relationship with: The…
What Do I Want?
Mama Java’s been ranting about asking for what you want and explaining why it’s important to do so lately. Yeah, yeah, that’s all cool and groovy and evolved and shit. What if you don’t know what you want? Valid concern. People don’t know what they want sometimes. Or sometimes they realize what they thought they…
I Shouldn’t Want That!
Quick quiz: When I ask for something I ask for What I think I should want. What I think I can get that is closest to what I want. What I want. I chose what I should want. Okay, sure, lots of people have done this. It’s not an unusual option when you feel guilty…
I IZ IN UR EMAIL ANSWERING UR QUESTIONZ
Greetings Misanthrope, I have a difficult problem and I am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I live in a quad arrangement with my husband and another couple but I do not have a sexual relationship with the other husband. We are basically roommates. I do have a sexual relationship with the…
H.A.L.T
I ran across the acronym H.A.L.T for a reminder in times of stress or distress on the Flylady mailing list. Basically, it runs like this. Self: I feel like crap. I’m ruminating. I’m upset, I hate the world (or myself, or whatever tends to be your danger signal for negative emotion). This can be a…
Decluttering Your Emotional Space
This week’s column is by guest writer, Jenny Ford. Forget those piles of paper, bulging closets, and kitchen cabinets full of lidless plastic containers. The real stressor in life is not physical clutter, it’s emotional clutter. Just as the physical clutter can be dealt with by a big one-off effort and a little daily maintenance,…
Vetos
I wanna talk a bit about vetos. I don’t like ‘em – not one tiny little bit. I don’t like the ramifications of a veto. There is an implication of ownership overlaid with a serious lack of trust. No, don’t whine at me about this. If you need a veto, there is a desire to…
Boundaries
I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that each and every one of the relationship problems I have ever had can be traced to one single thing. Now me? I’m usually suspicious of the “silver bullet” or the “instant solution” or the “single answer” to anything. I like things to be black and…