Polyamorous literature is full of touching stories of how opening a marriage rekindled a deep and abiding love between the original couple and deepen their relationship. You think I’m gonna sneer, ain’tcha? Nope. I’m not. I think many of those stories are quite true and are wonderful tales to tell. I do want to point…
Category: Love
You Don’t Have to Do It
I’ve been watching on several polyamory boards to see people trying to make themselves okay with being in polyamorous relationships. I’ve seen descriptions of people feeling like their hearts are being ripped out. I’ve seen descriptions of people wanting to curl into a ball and cry while their partners are with other people. I’ve even…
But I NEED You!
I’ve been in sexual relationships for over twenty years as well as having made a study of them in the last seven. The more I study, the more I see that many problems in relationships seem to be problems of dependence and commodifying a partner. Dependence comes in many forms — emotional, physical, financial. If…
Thou Art God
That pantheistic, mystical “Thou art God!” chorus that runs through the book is not offered as a creed, but as an existentialist assumption of personal responsibility, devoid of all godding. It says, “Don’t appeal for mercy to God the Father up in the sky, little man, because he’s not at home and never was at…
Dependent/Independent/Interdependent
Community is important. (Yeah, yeah, I know, big shock that I’d say that. Stop pretending to have a heart attack). I’ve been preaching boundaries and acceptable behavior for many months here, and the reason I do it is because community is important and you cannot have a good relationship without interdependence. Thing is, you won’t…
A Blow-Job, a Cookie, and a Nap
“My idea is simple- everyone needs a blow job, a cookie, and a nap. If that happens, world peace will ensue.” — The Mad Pirate Bippy I like pithy statements, as they often illustrate principles. The Blow-job, cookie and nap (usually abbreviated to BCN) is often prescribed on the PolyFamilies discussion group when someone’s seeming…
Meaningless Sex
Sex is only meaningful when you’re into having a long-term, committed relationship, right? It’s what polyamory is about, right? Committed relationships. We frown on people who “just have sex”. That, my dears, is so much horse elbows. First of all, there’s no such thing as “just sex”. That’s a lie adulterers try to tell to…
The Emotional Bank Account
I used the expression in my Vetos article about the Emotional Bank Account, and would like to explore the concept a little more in depth. The Emotional Bank Account is the level of trust you and your partner(s) have between each other. The higher the balance in the emotional bank account, the greater slack you’re…
When to Say Yea!
I’ve gotten some pokes from various sources saying that I’ve posted a lot about what to run away from, and what to avoid, but what about turning it around? What do you say “yes” to? Mutual support of each others’ goals. It’s good to cheer on a partner’s accomplishments and it’s good to have your…
On the Nature of Love
The Western concept of romantic love is appalling and causes a lot of damage. There are days when I want to go back in time and kick Eleanor of Aquitaine’s ass. [1] Here are the ideas that I see are most common, and ideas I think are about as unproductive as can be. Love=Romantic Passion….