Today, my husband and I have been married twenty years. Now, unlike a lot of married couples, we never were monogamous. It’s part of the reason why I choke when people ask how to transition from a monogamous relationship to a poly one. Buggered if I know a thing about it. So, things should have…
Category: relationships
My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me
“I’m in a mid-life crisis, I guess. The passion is out of my life and I’m looking for something more. My wife doesn’t understand me.” Any polyamorous person on a dating site is almost sure to get a message like this from time to time. No, it’s not exclusive to men. Women do a serious…
Want to be valued? Value YOU!
I need advice. My girl and I began exploring the “lifestyle” about 2 years ago. At some point mid way, I discovered that I was having nervousness block my performance, in my opinion because many encounters seemed rushed. I talked with my partner about doing solo dates, and she was very much against it. So…
Ask the Misanthrope: Jealousy?
A Faithful Reader Asks: My husband and I have been discussing polyamory over the past couple months. I feel comfortable with the idea, and I know we communicate very well with each other. I am actually concerned about how my reactions could possibly hurt his relationships. I know I have had jealousy issues in the…
We’ve Done It, Now Let Me Fix Your Life
There’s a popular situation in sitcoms and romantic comedies. There’ll be this couple — one of them[1] being presented as having their life a bit out of order. The couple sleeps together, and then the more together partner starts getting the other person’s life in order for them. I’ve never been too happy with this…
How to Score with Women
This column may come across as slightly sexist. I’m sorry for that, but it’s a thread I’ve been pulling that I’m having a hard time getting out of my mind. You probably could apply this to other dynamics, but I’ve not yet analyzed them to the point where I feel comfortable talking about them. I…
Coming Out for the Holidays
The holiday season is fast approaching and many people often wonder how to handle alternative lifestyles such as polyamory and holidays. I’d like to offer a list of Useful Tips that will help with the Cool Kids/Backward Family interface. If you’re thinking of coming out at a family gathering…. DON’T. Good grief, have a…
Ten Tips to Great Poly Relationships
This is my top ten things you can do for great multiple relationships. 1. Don’t try to be a “good” poly person. If you’ve been reading online material a lot, you may have developed an idea of what a good polyamorous person should be doing, and you may be trying to tie yourself into knots…
Universal Principles
The Polyamorous Misanthrope was supposed to be a weekly column. It was for awhile and then I started drying up for topics. Why? Well, as I study polyamory, I see more and more that the advice I give, the lessons I’ve learned and the observations I make are less about having good multiple relationships and…
When It’s Working
I know I haven’t been updating much. There are several reasons for this. The biggest is that one can only say, “Don’t be a fucking idiot” in so many ways before the message begin to get a little monotonous. The other is that I’ve been leading a life so devoid of drama that I’m not…