Sex is only meaningful when you’re into having a long-term, committed relationship, right? It’s what polyamory is about, right? Committed relationships. We frown on people who “just have sex”. That, my dears, is so much horse elbows. First of all, there’s no such thing as “just sex”. That’s a lie adulterers try to tell to…
Category: relationships
Being Used
Relationships can be good and fulfilling things — no doubt about it. They can bring joy, help and mutual comfort to all involved. However, there is a problem. People are people. Sometimes they’re just fine people. Sometimes they’re rescuers. Sometimes they’re users. I’m aiming this article mostly at the rescuer. You know who you are….
Love and Time
“Love may be limitless, but time is not.” — Me (And forty’leven other polyamorous people) Where are your priorities? No, no, sit back down and stop panicking. I’m not here to tell you that you need to give up your life to other people. And you people who spend all your lives on other people…
What Do I Want?
Mama Java’s been ranting about asking for what you want and explaining why it’s important to do so lately. Yeah, yeah, that’s all cool and groovy and evolved and shit. What if you don’t know what you want? Valid concern. People don’t know what they want sometimes. Or sometimes they realize what they thought they…
The Emotional Bank Account
I used the expression in my Vetos article about the Emotional Bank Account, and would like to explore the concept a little more in depth. The Emotional Bank Account is the level of trust you and your partner(s) have between each other. The higher the balance in the emotional bank account, the greater slack you’re…
I Shouldn’t Want That!
Quick quiz: When I ask for something I ask for What I think I should want. What I think I can get that is closest to what I want. What I want. I chose what I should want. Okay, sure, lots of people have done this. It’s not an unusual option when you feel guilty…
I IZ IN UR EMAIL ANSWERING UR QUESTIONZ
Greetings Misanthrope, I have a difficult problem and I am not sure how to go about dealing with it. I live in a quad arrangement with my husband and another couple but I do not have a sexual relationship with the other husband. We are basically roommates. I do have a sexual relationship with the…
Support System
A problem I’ve noticed in my own life, as well as lives of many other poly people is a lack of social support. I don’t mean that your mother doesn’t like and understand that you’re poly, though that is something of a symptom. What I mean is that the social context where people often expect…
When to Say Yea!
I’ve gotten some pokes from various sources saying that I’ve posted a lot about what to run away from, and what to avoid, but what about turning it around? What do you say “yes” to? Mutual support of each others’ goals. It’s good to cheer on a partner’s accomplishments and it’s good to have your…
Decluttering Your Emotional Space
This week’s column is by guest writer, Jenny Ford. Forget those piles of paper, bulging closets, and kitchen cabinets full of lidless plastic containers. The real stressor in life is not physical clutter, it’s emotional clutter. Just as the physical clutter can be dealt with by a big one-off effort and a little daily maintenance,…