A problem I’ve noticed in my own life, as well as lives of many other poly people is a lack of social support. I don’t mean that your mother doesn’t like and understand that you’re poly, though that is something of a symptom. What I mean is that the social context where people often expect…
H.A.L.T
I ran across the acronym H.A.L.T for a reminder in times of stress or distress on the Flylady mailing list. Basically, it runs like this. Self: I feel like crap. I’m ruminating. I’m upset, I hate the world (or myself, or whatever tends to be your danger signal for negative emotion). This can be a…
When to Say Yea!
I’ve gotten some pokes from various sources saying that I’ve posted a lot about what to run away from, and what to avoid, but what about turning it around? What do you say “yes” to? Mutual support of each others’ goals. It’s good to cheer on a partner’s accomplishments and it’s good to have your…
Decluttering Your Emotional Space
This week’s column is by guest writer, Jenny Ford. Forget those piles of paper, bulging closets, and kitchen cabinets full of lidless plastic containers. The real stressor in life is not physical clutter, it’s emotional clutter. Just as the physical clutter can be dealt with by a big one-off effort and a little daily maintenance,…
On the Nature of Love
The Western concept of romantic love is appalling and causes a lot of damage. There are days when I want to go back in time and kick Eleanor of Aquitaine’s ass. [1] Here are the ideas that I see are most common, and ideas I think are about as unproductive as can be. Love=Romantic Passion….
Be a Credit to Your Kink
I got quite a compliment many years ago from a member of the mailing list generated by the Polyfamilies site. Basically, the lady had never really intended to be a stay at home mom, or do the housewife thing. She found it too pedestrian and far too conformist and as a result, was having a…
Vetos
I wanna talk a bit about vetos. I don’t like ‘em – not one tiny little bit. I don’t like the ramifications of a veto. There is an implication of ownership overlaid with a serious lack of trust. No, don’t whine at me about this. If you need a veto, there is a desire to…
When You’re Home Alone
When you’re poly and partnered, sometimes the partner has a date, and for whatever reason you’re “stuck” home. How do you treat this time? Bitch, moan, put your hair in curlers and wear your granny housecoat?1 Don’t. Whether or not you are finding you might want to negotiate or renegotiate time agreements, now is not…
Embracing the Inner Hardass
Do you have Rules for Dating? If you don’t, you should. Yes, I know, “should” is bad and evil and I’m stomping all over boundaries to tell you that you should be doing anything. Feh. I suck, I know. Okay… You might find it helpful to write yourself a series of dating rules. (Better?) I…
Boundaries
I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that each and every one of the relationship problems I have ever had can be traced to one single thing. Now me? I’m usually suspicious of the “silver bullet” or the “instant solution” or the “single answer” to anything. I like things to be black and…