Sure, you can fly, but that cocoon has gotta go!
When we’re newly poly, especially if we’re fortunate enough to have found a poly community in which to participate, it is not unusual to dive into this new community with joy and excitement.
Naw, I’m not gonna knock that. Joy and excitement are good things. Community is good, too.
What I am going to caution you to do is keep your head on straight when you do it. There’s a wide world out there. Some of ’em are poly, but plenty of ’em aren’t.
Being understood is a heady feeling, and goodness knows that being understood and accepted for your sexuality in this crazy society ranks right on up there with one of the great joys in life. It’s a human desire to feel accepted by one’s community, and it’s a fantastic feeling.
I encourage anyone who is involved in various poly communities to keep touch with the wider world. Don’t surround yourself in an enclave and leave the rest of the world behind. It’s tempting, it’s seductive, but don’t do it.
To get a reality check, you have to look at reality — that means your poly world, but it means the monogamous world, too. There’s a lot about monogamy that I actually don’t agree with. The basic paradigms don’t suit my worldview at all. But I keep looking, and I keep watching people. The reason I do this is a little selfish, I admit.
You see, if you keep watching, you may learn something.
You won’t be able to watch if you cut yourself off.
So I have some questions for you, the poly people:
- Are you involved with a polyamory community? Do you make contacts and talk to people who are similar to you? Yes, you’ll need support for being a weirdo from time to time.
- Are you involved with a community that is not polyamory-based? This could be a religious group, social organization, professional org… almost anything? There’s more to your life than your sexuality. What are you into, what do you do that’s not based on romantic relationships that causes your eyes to light up and your soul to tingle to create?
- Are you involved with any charitable work? This could be something as mundane as volunteering at your kid’s school or picking up trash beside the road. It could be something a little more involved. There’s more to life than your own interests.
What I’m saying here is that being poly is cool, but for goodness sake, have a Life rather than a Lifestyle!
Happy, well-rounded people are good “positive press” for polyamory, too, so you could call it a form a community work to show that <grin>