I was snarking how it is so common for a woman to be looking for a sisterwife, and commenting that you never see a man looking for another brotherhusband when people are looking for a third to add to a marriage. In mentioning this to The Prince, with references to a One Penis Policy, he commented in his 1950s radio announcer voice, “No, no. No other men can be in the relationship. I’m sorry, my penis is just too magical for that.”
So, I wanna know, do these dewds cum rainbows and golden sparkles or something?
15 thoughts on “My Penis is too Magical”
I don’t know what those guys with the one penis policy do. We don’t look for a brother slave for me because we don’t like the boys. We tried playing with one once, and decided rather quickly that wasn’t for us. Would have helped if he had remembered the rules, but he didn’t, and my Lady and I don’t want any more of that.
I wonder how much of that is insecurity and how much is internalized homophobia.
I think some of both. Though when I actually worked on my poly advice line I found that the One Penis Policy seemed to be more about possessing women among my clients than ever it was a fear of teh gay.
Oh groan. Not bad in and of itself since I am sure there are people who would not mind an arrangement, but it seems like a rather narrow method.
I think that, in my experience, in MF couples, men who are looking for another man in the relationship (outside of threesomes/fantasy fulfillment) tend to be men who identify as bi. They’re specifically looking for a man who is interested in M/M sex, and they wouldn’t be looking for a ‘brotherhusband’ because the ‘brother’ part wouldn’t apply.
(This doesn’t apply to everyone, but it’s something I see coming up regularly. I’ve never personally seen a straight man seek out another man to be involved with his female partner unless it was threesome-oriented.)
Frankly, I think that some women looking for a ‘sisterwife’ are thinking “I want someone to share the ‘women’s work’, and [potentially] to be an outlet for my husband’s libido when I’m not in the mood, to keep him from pouting at me. I wouldn’t want another husband, he’d be twice as much mess to clean up after!”
I’ve been known to say that a (mono) woman who cheats with, then dates, and sometimes even marries, a (mono) cheater must think she has the “Magic Pussy” that’s going to keep the cheater home and satisfied.
I’ve always wondered what shiny enchantments those ladies had hidden in their boxes, too.
I’m of the “if he cheats to be with you, he’ll cheat on you” school of thought, meeself.
I decided shortly after the first time I was involved with a woman within my current polyamorous marriage — sixteen years ago — that I’d never again be involved with a bi woman whose other partner was male, with a women-only rule. I never stopped feeling like a plaything, like I was “allowed.” And maybe that was just me, but it was icky.
I would say it isn’t just you. At least, I share your taste and opinion in this matter!
Hmm, my man has a magic penis, but he’s nuts if he thinks that it’s enough for me. I plainly like variety. End of story.
Well, not end of story. I happen to be involved with three levels of doods. One started his relationship poly, and always brought in “toys” for him and his girl to play with (I was one of them). When his girlfriend wanted her own toy, because their work schedules weren’t allowing her time for sex with him, he balked and fussed and bullied her into backing down.
My primary (the one with the magic penis) is the best!
…but that’s besides the point. He and I have always theoretically wanted to be open/poly, but when I started seeing my 2ary, he balked and whined and got all insecure. I did the same thing at him. We’ve talked about it. He knows he has no control over who I am with or what I do, but he seems to really want to know that there is something special between us that keeps me with him. We are working on it and making fabulous progress.
My 2ary simply doesn’t understand how jealousy or monogamy work. He’s darling!
I was in a relationship with two men at the same time, but they didn’t play together. To be fair, I was young at the time (18), both of them were geeky guys who didn’t have a lot of friends, and I’m a very dominant personality type. We hung out all the time, went out in public together as a triad, etc etc. I was with the first one exclusively first, became friends with the second, felt myself developing feelings and then discussed it with my first before talking it out with the second and coming to an agreement as a “dual” relationship. We all spent a lot of time together (we were in junior college/college) and our dual relationship went on for a couple years before the first boyfriend and I just felt like it wasn’t working out and went our separate ways. We all had sex together but it was more like I did stuff with both of them and they did not do anything with each other. The second was my favorite sex partner (the first and I had very good friend/outercourse play dynamics but the sex was lackluster for both of us- the chemistry just wasn’t there), and when we became exclusive, we eventually decided to marry. I’m more pansexual than anything and he’s solidly bisexual, but he’s fiercely monogamous and my polyamorous feelings are much more directly tied to being in a high-functioning, honest and open true relationship sort of situation than just “main relationship with sex on the side” that a lot of other poly relationships that I’ve seen seem to consist of (not that I’m nay-saying it for others, that’s just not for me).
If I had my preferred relationship, it would either be monogamous or it would be a closed harem of at most 6 total people (including me). I’ve got an allergy to latex products and prefer fluid-bonding, and my sexual arousal is largely tied to bareback sex. However, this sort of situation is probably not going to happen for me because I have other priorities (including having a family including children, and the fact that my strict family would disown me if I were in an openly poly relationship and I’m not willing to closet other partners just to save social face).
However, I will have to say that being in a dual relationship really prepared me for the shift in how my relationship with my husband changed when we had our first child. Breastfeeding and mothering are so intense and draining from the body, that the stress that our relationship was under was very similar to how stressful negotiating our relationship with our other partner could be at certain times (especially when he felt neglected and I felt over-stimulated/extended). Our communication skills from our poly relationship really helped in giving us tools to negotiate the change in our family dynamic and even today, I think we are stronger for it- but that was more due to communication and being more secure in ourselves than anything.
So yeah. I think that there can be poly relationships with two men and one woman where the men have sex only with the woman. But you have to be in a very specific sort of relationship with a very specific sort of personality dynamic (my husband and ex other partner were both much more submissive and I’m a very dominant person).
I don’t really know if I would be comfortable playing with any partner who thought that his penis was the best most magical thing ever and that all other penises were brought to shame because of its existence. In my experience, people who think like that tend to be really lazy lovers. I’d much rather be with someone who is comfortable with their genitals and excited about the prospect of exploring one another’s bodies and giving one another pleasure. For me, that’s much more exciting than some magic penis dude.
It sounds like what you have going on is really working for you — congratulations! 😀
I just wanted to mention that happy, functional MFM relationships don’t always have to involve submissive men and a dominant woman — I’ve been in two MFM situations, and while I have a strong personality, so did both my male partners on each occasion, and I am a subby switch in bed (and the switch is mostly between subby/non-power-dynamic-whatsoever sex, although I’ll certainly top my partners if we’re both in the mood at the time.)
Neither of those relationships involved a primary dyad with sex on the side, FWIW.
I’m now in the kind of closed relationship that you describe as one of your potential ideals — my partner of nearly-4 years, J has one other partner of a year and a half, P, who I’m not involved with other than as close friends, and then I am involved with both L and A, a married couple. I started out as A’s partner 8+ years ago, and then, over time, L and I became romantically/sexually involved as well as being close, flirty friends. We’re about to celebrate our 5th anniversary. (L, A, and J are good friends, and he and I often travel to see them together. They haven’t had the opportunity to meet P in person — they live in the UK — but they like her and have her friended on various social networks.)
Neither of the men are submissive, L and I are both strong personalities (and L doesn’t engage in power-dynamics play, so she doesn’t identify as a sub/dom/switch/top/bottom/etc.), and while P is a woman who does identify as a sub, and is not quite as *cough* “emphatically opinionated” as L and myself, it’s nothing like a 24/7 situation — she is J’s girlfriend, and sometimes they play those roles in bed, end of story.
We have a closed, exclusive relationship partly because this is what works best for us at this stage of our lives, and also because I have an immune disorder that would react very badly to viral STIs, so we’ve all chosen not to have sex with new partners. Doesn’t mean new people can’t enter the relationship (J and P started dating after we all decided to be closed — but he also was clear with her that if she wanted to date him, she needed to adhere to certain agreements, like testing. And if *she* decided to date someone else someday, they would need to agree to the same testing and not have other sexual partners.)
So, yes — it does happen and it can work, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be a “very specific sort of personality dynamic” — everyone just needs to be on good terms and willing to work together 🙂
I also wanted to mention that my husband was open to dual relationship stuff back when we were in the dual relationship, he just became more monogamous after the first person and I decided that the relationship was not working out. And I’m actually pretty happy with monogamy at the moment simply because I have a daughter who is about 3 now and we’re expecting our second and final child later this year. Raising and caring for children takes a lot of time and commitment- they’re entirely new relationships where we both fall deeply in love as parents with someone who is learning how to be a person. So there’s really no room for us right now to navigate complicated multi-relationship issues and boundaries, even though I know that some others can do it.
But having that dual relationship certainly prepared me in ways I hadn’t realized it would when it comes to being a parent. In the end, being pretty secure in yourself and having a very good, direct communicative relationship is healthy in ANY sort of relationship, mono or poly.
Agreed, agreed, agreed! It’s so important to have good communication and good relationship skills in ANY relationship/s, and it does help you keep a good connection with your partner/s when you go through the huge life changes associated with pregnancy 🙂
We actually do have two children between us — my daughter is 19, and her father and stepfather, while not in a romantic relationship with me at this point, are still very much a part of the family and we’re co-parenting her together.
And my married-couple partners, A and L, welcomed a beautiful daughter into the world four-and-a-half years ago. She’s my heart-daughter, and I’ve had a strong semi-parental role with her (only semi- because I can’t be there 100% of the time, but we talk on the phone and on Skype when I’m not there, and Bean accepts me as a third parental figure, and a family member, without question.)
I don’t think that they’d have had room to try to “open” their relationship during L’s pregnancy and Bean’s first couple of years, or that either of them would have been happy if the other partner had started a new relationship during that time. The only way things worked out so well was that I was an existing part of their family well before they started trying to conceive, and since I’d been through pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and they’ve known me as a parent whose parenting style they respected since we met, I was able to help them deal with some of the rougher moments.
It worked out really well, but I wouldn’t suggest that people who are anywhere between the trying-to-conceive stage and the toddler stage should necessarily be seeking out new relationships. Pregnancy can be an emotional and sometimes insecure and scary time, and breastfeeding and raising an infant requires a ton of time and focus from the mother especially, but from both parents ideally.
If they have existing stable relationships with other people *who are willing to understand that their roles may shift during this time, and who are willing to let the parents-to-be focus on each other, and who are willing to take a role in helping with the baby* (or other people who are willing to just take a step back during this process, to love and support the parents but *not* to be involved with the child, although this will necessitate that they will not have anywhere near as time-intensive or prioritized relationships with the parents for a couple of years), then this can work out.
But, yeah — I don’t recommend that parents-to-be or parents of very young children seek out new outside partners, because their priority should be their child and each other. I’ve just never seen that scenario go well.
It’s been fun chatting with you! ^__^
Right now my menfolk (I’m in a MMF triad) are nervous about adding another penis due to paternity issues. The thought of being tied for life to another man who they might want to break up with/move away from/ NOT be in a family relationship with is scary and horrifying, and neither can imagine feeling like someone who’d be a decent enough human to date would be willing to walk away from a kid.
They both have horrific r’ships with their exes who they had their children with, while my ex relationships are pretty friendly, although there are no kids involved.
We’ve been takling about that quite a lot!