This is one of my search term-inspired columns. Someone got to the site with this, so I figured I’d answer it.
You find polyamorous relationships more or less like you find any other. Go out. Do stuff you like to do. Meet people doing that stuff, too. You’ll meet some that suit you and you suit them. Have a relationship and enjoy! I don’t mean to be trite, but in reality, it’s that simple. Sure, sure, dating sites like OKCupid and such can be a boon to meeting people (I met someone on it), but there just isn’t a Sooper Sekrut Polyamory Code you can punch in and order yourself a relationship. Treat it like you would any other human relationship. It’s not that hard.
So, let’s say that you’ve gone out and engaged in your favorite Fluorescent Mountain Climbing Squid hunt with some new people, and met some people that you like and like you. What else do you want to look for?
A good candidate for a poly relationship might already in a great relationship or two. While I’m not saying that single people can’t be poly by any means, many of the ones with great relationship skills are the people already practicing them. One caveat: If someone says they’re in one or more shaky relationships, pass on that opportunity until they resolve it somehow. Yes, we poly people have almost all gotten into new relationships when our own or others were shaky. It rarely goes well. Learn from our stupid.
A good candidate for a poly relationship communicates clearly. They’ve got a clear idea of their likes, dislikes and what they’re willing to try out. They’re willing to be honest about whether or not they liked what they tried –whether it’s sushi, rock climbing, or just a new movie.
A good candidate for a poly relationship understands safer sex and will be supportive of your practice of it. They’ll discuss their own safer sex practices and ask about yours.
Oh, and most of all?
Y’all’ll have a good time together. That’s kind of the point.
“A good candidate for a poly relationship might already in a great relationship or two.”
Unfortunately, from the personals ads, forum posts, blogs, and many other things that I read, it seems like so many people (primarily FM couples or single men planning to build a harem) seeking girls (rather than women) specifically want the Hot Bi Babe to be single and exclusive to them. That the desired girl may possibly have/want other lovers is absolutely not allowed.
“Treat it like you would any other human relationship. It’s not that hard.”
Tragically, having human relationships really does seem to be that hard for some folks! Who wants a human relationship when fitting a living blow-up doll into the role you want her to fill is so much easier?
Well, since this column is about having relationships with real, living, breathing, feeling human beings, I doubt much of what I have to say would be much help to them.
This seems very similar to the rest of the world of kink at large. People want to be in a relationship, but they only want to serve in private. Or they want to be in a relationship just so that the three other couples chasing them down will leave them alone.
My partner and I have not joined any of those dating sites to look for a third just because it all seems so very trite. It seems like the only thing most people want (or want to associate) from a polyamorous relationship is sex. They seem to forget that it is still a relationship, a real relationship where people don’t always want to have sex, but communicate and love each other in spite of this.
I belong to OkCupid, but mainly to keep up with real life friends. I’ve introduced many people to the concept of Polyamory… Some had never heard of it. Some didn’t realize it was an option.
“Girls” pushes a button for me. I know they are looking for a blank slate.. that “girl” from middle school who worshiped them, loved them, etc. Some Monos look for that “girl” because they assume virginity, lack of experience…
Hang out with some experienced polys.. you’ll learn a lot. I know I did.
My darling dhuagter has bought into this agenda and is in a relationship with a woman. I am the lone one in the family that has an issue with it. I feel quite certain that this would not have happened if society wasn’t actively pushing and glorifying the lifestyle. Is anyone aware of a group that is working to oppose this proselytizing of our children? They are finding vulnerable children (or young adults) and brainwashing them. Yet when Christians try to use faith as a solution or an intervention, the outcry is ear shattering. Suggestions please?
As a poly woman, I don’t feel that polyamory is pushed in society. Rather the opposite. I feel pretty strongly that MONOGAMY is what is pushed for.
I do not proselytize to children. I do not advocate doing so. But presuming everyone who is poly is brainwashed or being preyed on is really an inaccurate view.