This is one of my search term-inspired columns. Someone got to the site with this, so I figured I’d answer it.
You find polyamorous relationships more or less like you find any other. Go out. Do stuff you like to do. Meet people doing that stuff, too. You’ll meet some that suit you and you suit them. Have a relationship and enjoy! I don’t mean to be trite, but in reality, it’s that simple. Sure, sure, dating sites like OKCupid and such can be a boon to meeting people (I met someone on it), but there just isn’t a Sooper Sekrut Polyamory Code you can punch in and order yourself a relationship. Treat it like you would any other human relationship. It’s not that hard.
So, let’s say that you’ve gone out and engaged in your favorite Fluorescent Mountain Climbing Squid hunt with some new people, and met some people that you like and like you. What else do you want to look for?
A good candidate for a poly relationship might already in a great relationship or two. While I’m not saying that single people can’t be poly by any means, many of the ones with great relationship skills are the people already practicing them. One caveat: If someone says they’re in one or more shaky relationships, pass on that opportunity until they resolve it somehow. Yes, we poly people have almost all gotten into new relationships when our own or others were shaky. It rarely goes well. Learn from our stupid.
A good candidate for a poly relationship communicates clearly. They’ve got a clear idea of their likes, dislikes and what they’re willing to try out. They’re willing to be honest about whether or not they liked what they tried –whether it’s sushi, rock climbing, or just a new movie.
A good candidate for a poly relationship understands safer sex and will be supportive of your practice of it. They’ll discuss their own safer sex practices and ask about yours.
Oh, and most of all?
Y’all’ll have a good time together. That’s kind of the point.