Do you have any advice for a guy in a non-monogamous relationship who doesn’t know how to ask people out? I mean, I know how to—I’m in a relationship—but I have no experience in poly things. My ladyfriend has the advantage of other guys tending to be open to anything that leads to sex. That isn’t true on my side. Thanks!
Asking people out in a poly situation isn’t really substantially different from asking people out in a monogamous situation, so honestly, you’re already covered. What it sounds like you’re asking is how to avoid being told no.
You can’t. Sorry about that.
However, to cut down on the “no” ratio:
Leave off “cold calls” as they call them in the sales business. A 4% yes rate on a cold call is good, so that’s a lot of being shot down. Get to know people instead. Unless you want that as your strategy. You probably could contact 200 people on OKCupid and you’d likely get several dates. As a small business owner, I rely on that 4% cold call ratio to buy groceries for my kid, so I don’t know that it’s necessarily awful to get a date.
Hang out with poly people. I mean, seriously, most of the world at least tries to present as monogamous. You want to hang out with people who might be open to dating someone with a partner.
Be straightforward. You know from your monogamous dating experience and from your online reading that women really do, no kidding, like people with the guts to ask. We know it’s a risk. Many of us have asked people out, too, and been told no. Being willing and confident enough to take that risk does earn some attractiveness points to a lot of people.