Some years ago, I wrote an article called “Being Used.” It was about red flags in relationships, demands and whether or not you had a relationship or were being treated as a commodity. I feel like I neglected to point some important things out. The article is about demands. It’s about when you’re unhappy to…
Category: rant
It’s Not Polyamory-Specific
I had someone comment that an article I wrote on great polyamory relationships wasn’t poly-specific. I agreed heartily. It wasn’t. You could have used the principles for a great monogamous relationship, a great friendship, or even used some of the principles for having good relationships with your parents or kids. Rather than take that as…
Sex, Orientation and Preference
I was noodling around on the net recently and noticed someone in my way too varied social media sites questioning their sexual orientation and decisions. There was concern about how they’d be perceived. There was concern about present relationships. One concern hit me between the eyeballs. “Am I a hypocrite if I change my mind?”…
Polyamory and the Honeymoon Period
This is another search term inspired post. One of the advantages of polyamory is that you are always open to that wonderful sensation of the early relationship. God, that honeymoon period is wonderful – everything about your new partner is blissfully wonderful, you are filled with light, and even the plainest things become magical and…
A Request of the Polyamory Community
I’d like to make a request of the polyamory community. This isn’t a poly-specific issue, but since polyamory and sexual issues often intersect, I think we’d be some good people to be the example-setters. Can we all, please, stop using terms of disgust for people to whom we are not sexually attracted? If there are…
Jurassic Park Secondary
This week’s column is a guest column by Jessica Burde. Ladies, gentlemen and assorted gender identities, today I would like to address one very important point of natural law. Where there is PIV sex, there will be pregnancies. Period, dot, underline, hell I should probably just go and put it in all caps. But I…
Just Testing a Feature, Move Along
Playing with blog settings and testing a feature. But, to give it poly-relevant content: It’s about love. Really, no kidding. If you’re having a problem with your partner(s), all of you need to check Rule One again. Rock on.
Jack and Jill
About a year ago I met a man whom I had an immediate connection with (I still to this day cannot explain what made me feel so comfortable with him right off the bat as I am generally a reserved woman around strangers), and we soon after began spending quite a lot of time together….
PSA: Please Vote
Mama Java wouldn’t dream of telling you how to vote, because that’s just not how she rolls. However, she is asking you that if you are an American citizen to please, please, please vote tomorrow. Smart Voter has a reasonably non-partisan breakdown of the issues you’ll be voting on and how the candidates stand on them. Educate…
Keeping it Real
I’ve been slow in answering letters lately. I’ve got lots of material for lots of columns and I’m noticing a pattern. Lack of love. So much of the advice I give is crap unless you proceed from the assumption that all partners love each other. And cupcake, I ain’t talkin’ here about hormonal carbonation, nor…