There’s a common thread that I’m noticing in relationship talk that I’d like to address. It’s not necessarily polyamory specific, but I’ve never let it stop me before, so here we go: “Relationships are hard.” I first ran across this in a Focus on the Family publication back in the 1980s when I started reading…
“How Can I Tell if I’m Polyamorous?” is the Wrong Question
I ran across a post not too long ago asking how one could know if one were polyamorous or not. I break a bit with a lot of the poly community who see being polyamorous as something of a genetic condition rather than a personal taste. I see where they’re coming from and all, but…
Profiles in Polyamory: Jennifer
Unless you live it, it’s sometimes hard to have an idea of what a polyamorous life can look like. Profiles in Polyamory is going to be an ongoing series where I interview ordinary polyamorous people just living their lives. These will not be the lives of perfect people who have everything together, and neither will…
The Key Factor to Polyamory Relationship Success
In talking about polyamory relationship success, I do take as a given that you’re a rational grown-up. Relationships are for grown-ups. If you’re not a grown-up, fix that, first. Own your own shit, realize the world doesn’t revolve around you, have some basic self-knowledge and the ability to communicate honestly. If you don’t have those…
Intimate Connections and Really Hot Sex
It’s time to reach into the Goddess of Java’s mailbag and see what strange and wonderful questions come up. It seems that I have found myself in a crossroads about whether it is in fact possible to find people who share the same views on polyamory AND share physical connection with. My husband and I…
Can a Polyamorous Marriage Last?
Today, my husband and I have been married twenty years. Now, unlike a lot of married couples, we never were monogamous. It’s part of the reason why I choke when people ask how to transition from a monogamous relationship to a poly one. Buggered if I know a thing about it. So, things should have…
19 and Perfect Boobs
My primary partner and I had been togetehr and monogamous for 7 years. One day she started chatting up and exbf form 15 years back, went and saw him, kissed but nothing else, and talked on a daily basis. I never gave ultimatums and proposed trying polyamory as a solution to our situation. After a…
My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me
“I’m in a mid-life crisis, I guess. The passion is out of my life and I’m looking for something more. My wife doesn’t understand me.” Any polyamorous person on a dating site is almost sure to get a message like this from time to time. No, it’s not exclusive to men. Women do a serious…
Handling Jealousy: How to Fuck Up
I’ve been seeing more than the usual amount of discussion about jealousy on various poly boards lately, so I figure this might be a little topical to people. I have pulled out of the air the Definitive[1] Five-Point List of Ways to Fuck Up Handling Jealousy. I am sharing this because I am wise and…
Patient Griselda, or, Minding the Gap
Mama Java is lounging on the beach right now. Well, okay RIGHT NOW, I’m probably getting sunscreen on squirming little children, collecting beach chairs and making sure everyone has their towels, but I am at the beach this week. Here’s a column from Rain Hannah. Enjoy! It can be easy, when you’ve been doing this…