I ran across some utter nimrod spouting the “Consent is HARRRD” whine in a new and gloriously idiotic way. The assertion?
“Women like it when a man takes charge, therefore they don’t like being asked for their consent. It turns them off.”
*facepalm* Dewd, are you really that unimaginative an idiot? First off, not all women like that, any more than all men have a particular taste. If you run with that sort of script, chances are good you’re a mediocre lover at best. Treat your lovers as individuals and get to know personal quirks. I know this is radical and all, but in theory, you’re doing something kinda intimate. Being intimate about it might just work.
Nevertheless, for the not insignificant fraction of people who do like to be dominated to a greater or lesser degree in bed, it still does not preclude consent. Without getting into too much TMI, I share the taste. I am also happily involved with a man who checks in frequently about what I like, don’t like, want, etc. This is not even close to a paradox. Don’t believe me?
You can turn it into a bit of a dominance game, if that’s your fancy. Whisper in your partner’s ear and insist on a description of what the partner wants. STOP whatever it is you’re doing and say, “If you want this, you’ve got to tell me you want it…”
Throw out the idea that asking and checking in is somehow a turnoff because the man isn’t “taking charge.” Not only is it nonsense, it’s unimaginative nonsense. Throw out the copout and use your brain.