I just started looking at this blog a few days ago and I love it. I also entered a poly relationship a few days ago… and I’m slightly less sure about that. I am dating a man who is also married. His wife is strongly poly-oriented and until he met me he didn’t understand the…
Author: GoddessofJava
Being Informed and Dirty Little Secrets in Polyamory
I wanted to message you (as I’m sure most people who message you do) about a poly/open relationship I’m in. As for the background, I’ve been separated for about 11 months and have been seeing someone for the last two and a half. He is also divorced and on the third night that he stayed…
Polyamory, STDs and Partner Communication
Dear Goddess of Java, I was recently tested for all STDs and found, to my delight, that I have no STDs. I felt relief and actually thought about calling someone to tell them… but then I thought, whom should I call? I called my primary partner, of course, because it was mostly for him that…
I Feel Like My Life is Crashing
I am a lesbian. I am married and in a non-romantic relationship with my wife as we raise our kids. We are friends, that is all. I started dating another woman and could not give her enough because of my obligations. She was sad all the time. I agreed to try this poly thing so…
Why Interpreting and Assumptions Suck
I had an interesting communication moment recently. Polyfamilies was doing its usual thing of debating everything under the sun (nuclear power and alternative energy, I believe) when someone new to the group commented that she really couldn’t figure out what the group was about. Since it’s ostensibly about polyamory, but in general the members really…
O.V.P and Passive-Aggressiveness
The wife and i agreed to try an open relationship. We agreed on the rules of engagement: use a condom, be discreet, and don’t put one above the other. But when I set plans to go out with the my secondary she gets angry and tells me she wants to go there too, ie drive…
Will a Baby Change my Polyamorous Relationship?
Okay, go read the title. Then think a minute. Damn right one of your partners having a baby is going to change things. Jesus, where’s your brain? Reams of paper go out with printed whinging about fathers who feel jealous of the attention their wives give their new babies. It’s something even monogamous people have…
Hobbiton
“Now it is a strange thing, but things that are good to have and days that are good to spend are soon told about, and not much to listen to; while things that are uncomfortable, palpitating, and even gruesome, may make a good tale, and take a good deal of telling anyway.” — J.R.R. Tolkein Apparently…
Love and Time
A faithful reader asks: My partner, Bill, and I have been together for 3 years. During that time I’ve had 5 other relationships, and he has had one continuous relationship for the past 2 years. Last fall, I moved across the state to pursue my Masters degree. I underestimated how painful and difficult it would…
Texting, Triggers and Jealousy
From a reader; My boyfriend, Justin, and I have been dating for about a year and a half and became poly about two months ago when I met another man and fell for him. It has been great; my boyfriend is one of those rare people who is so secure with himself that his…