Me: Good morning, son. Pop quiz. What constitutes consent? Son: A clear, unambiguous yes. Me: What does unambiguous mean? Son: Loud and clear with no fudging. Me: Good. Do you know why I am asking you this? Son: Because of that scene in Pirate Radio? Me: (Blinks a minute, because my mind was on the…
Author: GoddessofJava
You Can’t Fuck Your Way to Good Self-Esteem
I’m new to polyamoury and I guess I’m into the “kid in a candy store” phase. I’ve been calling it “balls to the wall poly” and “punch drunk Poly”… I’m worried about my attentions, how to split them respectfully, what kind of etiquette I should be following, whether or not I should be having lots…
Thoughts on Being Used
Some years ago, I wrote an article called “Being Used.” It was about red flags in relationships, demands and whether or not you had a relationship or were being treated as a commodity. I feel like I neglected to point some important things out. The article is about demands. It’s about when you’re unhappy to…
It’s Not Polyamory-Specific
I had someone comment that an article I wrote on great polyamory relationships wasn’t poly-specific. I agreed heartily. It wasn’t. You could have used the principles for a great monogamous relationship, a great friendship, or even used some of the principles for having good relationships with your parents or kids. Rather than take that as…
How to Ask People Out
Do you have any advice for a guy in a non-monogamous relationship who doesn’t know how to ask people out? I mean, I know how to—I’m in a relationship—but I have no experience in poly things. My ladyfriend has the advantage of other guys tending to be open to anything that leads to sex. That…
Sex, Orientation and Preference
I was noodling around on the net recently and noticed someone in my way too varied social media sites questioning their sexual orientation and decisions. There was concern about how they’d be perceived. There was concern about present relationships. One concern hit me between the eyeballs. “Am I a hypocrite if I change my mind?”…
NRE for Everyone!
You’re in a happy triad. You and your partners do date from time to time, but for the most part, you have a stable, well-run home. Your routine is down pat. You all know your roles in the home and relationship, calendars get updated properly and everything is moving along as smoothly as a bullet…
Heavy Emotional Discussions: now what?
I got an interesting letter from a reader who was concerned about a forthcoming Heavy Discussion with their own Poly Group. There was nervousness. There was concern. There was a desire to Get It Right. Ya know, knowing how to have a Heavy Emotional Discussion is an important skill in any relationship. I mean, when…
The Polyamorous Misanthrope 2012 Top Ten
Since we’re coming on to the end of 2012, I thought maybe a roundup of the most popular posts on the Polyamorous Misanthrope this year might be useful. The FAQ and About pages did show up in my stats’ top ten, but I hardly think they should count. 10. No Seriously, I Really AM Polyamorous…
Polyamory and the Honeymoon Period
This is another search term inspired post. One of the advantages of polyamory is that you are always open to that wonderful sensation of the early relationship. God, that honeymoon period is wonderful – everything about your new partner is blissfully wonderful, you are filled with light, and even the plainest things become magical and…