I find myself struggling with an age gap. The gap between my husband of 11yrs (together for 20+) and myself is not insubstantial; he’s almost more a contemporary of my parents than my peers, though not quite. But the gap between him and his girlfriend of 2 years is enough for healthy biological grandparenthood, and…
Author: GoddessofJava
I Hate the Way My Metamour Treats my Partner!
What do you do when you hate the way a partner’s partner treats them? This is a tough one. On the one hand, you love your partner, and of course, you want everyone to treat your partner well, right? On the other hand, your partner is a grown-ass adult* and needs to make their own…
Captain Awkward Writes a Great One
Captain Awkward just wrote an amazing article that really analyzes money, money inequity and how to deal in partnerships. The Letter Writer has a somewhat unusual situation, but wow, the analysis really fires on all cylinders. It is merciful but still talks about Good Boundaries. Please go read: Partner with Lots of Expenses and Little…
It’s Not Up to You
Hello, my husband and I have been with our partner only about three months she’s 21 and lives with family. Her family is now making her choose whether or not to be with us or them. We love her and want her to be with us, but I don’t feel right asking her to choose…
Maybe You’re an Asshole
Once again, I’ve gotten a flood of letters that seem to be on a specific theme. Been married awhile, guy announces he’s polyamorous, then… Well, emotionally and/or physically disappears. Doesn’t hang out with the kids, insists the wife entertains other loves because That’s How Polyamory is Done (reality check: it isn’t), starts screwing up the…
Ask, Be Truthful, Verify
You know how assumptions about what the other person is feeling can be a problem? The Prince and I have had some of the worst negative emotional escalations because we were reacting to perceived emotional states rather than actual ones. I mean really bad. Potentially relationship-ending bad. We made a deal about ten years ago:…
Why Are You Bothering?
A letter I got recently and a question I was asked in another forum really got me to thinking. The question was: How did you come to realize that polyamorous relationships were right for you? Now that you live this lifestyle, do you think that it’s for everyone or more “natural” than monogamy? I answered:…
I Didn’t Mean It!
I have screwed up in one of my relationships. I said (well wrote) something idiotic and have destroyed someone’s enjoyment of a reasonably harmless pleasure. The Prince used to like diet Dr. Pepper. I don’t like it, and I said I didn’t like it. That, in fact, it kind of yucked me out. What I’d…
Three Sure-Fire Ways to Build Trust
I’ve read a few comments from some people going polyamorous lately — specifically people whose partners are starting new relationships, and I am noticing a trend that is so very easily fixable that I just have a write an article about it. You see, they agree to something, then they tie themselves in knots to…
Polyamory Can’t Come From Cheating
I’ve been getting several letters that looks like this lately: Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, My husband has had an affair and now wants to have a polyamorous relationship. She is pregnant, and wants him to live with her. How do I get over my jealousy and stop being so inadequate as a wife? Any poly person…
